


Thump. Thump.

by ladymdc



Series: 606 | 707 [10]
Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Another Story (Mystic Messenger), Attempt at Humor, Dorks in Love, Eventual Happy Ending, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Loss of Virginity, Love at First Sight, Minor Character Death, Mutual Pining, Not Canon Compliant, OC is not the MC, Romantic Fluff, Self-Worth Issues, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, V | Kim Jihyun After Ending (Mystic Messenger), V | Kim Jihyun Good Ending (Mystic Messenger)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-04
Updated: 2019-10-06
Packaged: 2019-11-09 03:56:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 27,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17994386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladymdc/pseuds/ladymdc
Summary: "Can I really enter your world?"_____________________________________________The way she looked at him, Seven knew she saw him, therealhim, the person that even he couldn't see. Feeling like he was real felt amazing, and if he was honest with himself, that was why he couldn't just let her go.





	1. Six

**Author's Note:**

> A self-indulgent fic in which Saeyoung meets my MC|OC from my 707 Route (relevant one-shots can be found in my [606|707 series](https://archiveofourown.org/series/1269722)) a year earlier & lives happily every after. Explicit chapters will be marked as such with **
> 
> By “not canon compliant” I mean I’m taking liberties with the timeline and details I felt were vague &/or plot hole-ish. As this is part of a joint AU/Vverse the following pairings will make semi-regular appearances:
> 
>   * V | Kim Jihyun/Chloe Pendleton (Custom MC)
>   * Han Jumin/Poppy Owens
> 

> 
> Also, my [606 | 707 Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/user/miracook/playlist/0tfAdBX6L5u3xFdqXQUbn5?si=cR2kSof1RBG23UL1-0vI9A) for anyone who would like to check it out. It's inspo for the series, and things that may be still unwritten.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: this fic starts immediately after the 14:52 chat between Jaehee/Zen/MC on Day 6 of V's route.

**October 2018**

The convertible top was down, and the afternoon sun was really hitting them hard for early fall. As the light cycled back to red for the third time, Seven noticed he was gripping the steering wheel tight enough to turn his knuckles white. He flexed his fingers a time or two. Then he pulled out his phone to call Chloe. The poor girl was trapped in her ‘princess room,’ whatever that was, bored or scared out of her mind. 

Probably both. 

She picked up before a full ring could even sound. “Hiya!” Chloe chirped. “Hey hey!”

“Oh? Hello, Chloe. This is Jaehee Kang, Chief Assistant to Mr. Han.” 

In the passenger's seat, Jaehee’s thumbs had been flying across her smartphone, cranking out email after email ever since closing the RFA app. But at the ridiculous parody of her own voice, she paused and looked at him sidelong. “What are you doing?” 

In his ear, Chloe snorted. “Jaehee, what’s the code to Jumin’s penthouse? I want to visit Elizabeth the 3rd.” 

“Due to privacy concerns, that is not information I can give out,” Seven continued despite the way talking like that scratched at his throat. He couldn’t help but wonder if he could, in fact, actually make Jaehee snap her phone in two, and he wanted to find out. “However, if you express to Mr. Han your desire to visit Elizabeth the 3rd I’m sure he will make the appropriate arrangements, and if not, you could always hire a hacker.”

Without looking his direction, Jaehee’s hand came up and lightly whacked him on the shoulder before going back to work. 

Seven felt himself smile for the first time that day. “I’m sure you’ve heard of 707 Industries, and if you purchase the fairy wings and magic wand, you can escape the tower you’re imprisoned in and fly there yourself. Then use the Alohaamola spell to break in and see Elizabeth the 3rd whenever your heart desires.”

A pause as a woman briefly caught his eye. She was running along the crosswalk, her long brunette hair shifted with her movements. Long legs and a curvy body. But then she was gone as quickly as she had appeared. 

“The purchase method is simple. You only need to provide us your credit card information and your exact location for delivery. Simple isn’t it?”

“Nice try, Seven. You know what V—“

“Ack! Wait,” he said, breaking character as the woman came back into view. She was jogging up the sidewalk toward where they were sitting stationary. “Sorry, I gotta go! —Hey!” 

Seven switched his phone to night mode and dropped it back into his jacket pocket. Then noticing the SpacePods in the woman’s ears, began to wave his arms. “HEY!”

“What are you doing!?” Jaehee hissed, grabbing onto his arm and attempting to pull it down. Luckily, two things happened at once. Jaehee’s phone started to ring so she let go, and the woman began to slow her stride down to a walk. 

She didn’t seem too phased by his frantic behavior or Jaehee’s reaction. Her blue,  _ blue  _ eyes were locked onto his own, the impossible blue of a crystal clear day. A bemused half-smile quirking her lips. With her attention so focused on him, Seven felt an odd calmness wash through him despite the way his heart felt like it wanted to beat right out of his chest. 

“I think I found my one and only rocket astronaut,” he murmured, shifting the car into park.

“That doesn’t make any sense,” Jaehee snapped before answering the call. “We don’t have time for this— Everything is fine, Chloe. It’s nothing important. Seven just decided he needed to harass some poor, innocent woman.” 

“Gahhhh! Isn’t it ok to talk to a pretty lady while waiting for traffic?” Having removed an earbud while he was bickering with Jaehee, of course, the woman had overheard. 

“Pretty, huh?” 

He looked up at her, and she smiled. It was dazzling, like an unexpected flash from a camera. Her Korean had a British cadence to it that rounded her words. Unexpected yet captivating. 

Seven studied her, briefly. Skin tight running pants, and a loose, powder blue tank top that revealed approximately 47.8% of her dark grey and neon green sports bra. She had flushed olive skin, lips, petal pink and full, and honest and open eyes. Heat rolled through him, something oppressive, but not unpleasant. She was so… 

“Perfect,” he said.

Chuckling, she grabbed the collar of her tank top and wiped at her face. Her ponytail was loose from her exertions. The hair that must hang around hair face was pinned back, darkened with sweat around her temples but a few loose strands stuck to her forehead.

“Oooh, perfect?” Said Chloe’s disembodied voice. “So you must have found 606?” 

Jaehee gave the woman a passing glance then sighed, holding her phone up apologetically. “She insisted.”

“Oh! Moral support! Chloe, yes, I have found the legendary 606. Now, watch me in action.” 

The woman’s eyebrows rose high on her forehead before she gave him a wry smile and gestured for him to go ahead. 

Seven very pointedly cleared his throat. “Six, may I call you Six?”

She shrugged one shoulder. “Sure, why not.” 

“Ok. Six, would you like to go to the moon with me?” 

“What an odd way of expressing your interest,” Jaehee told him, exasperated. 

A long pause then where he and Six simply stared at one another. Seven couldn’t get a handle on what she was thinking. It seemed like a mask of calm indifference had fallen into place, but then it was gone as suddenly as it appeared. One corner of her mouth pulled up lazily. 

“Only if we get married at the space station on the way back.” 

Seven blew out a breath of laughter, his chest feeling tight with something other than worry or stress for the first time in days. And even though he felt relieved, he just couldn’t stop himself from also wondering what in the actual fuck he was doing. Distantly, he heard Chloe squealing and Jaehee mumble, “You two would make a great couple.” 

“We have received the Great Assistant Kang’s blessing,” Seven said. “Chloe, have Jumin draw up a contract.”

“Will do!” Chloe chimed. 

Six’s smile ticked a hair wider. “A contract?”

“Of course, we’re getting married right? Have to make it official,” he replied evenly. “Six and Seven, defenders of the universe.” 

“Your name is Seven?” 

“I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours,” he said, tugging at the cord to his headphones. Beside him, Jaehee made a derisive sound, and it left Seven feeling like he’d been course corrected. Some part of him running out of control was hauled back into place through a not so subtle reminder that he lived a life of lies and deceptions. 

Then there was honking, and he noticed the cars in front of him had cleared. 

Furious with himself and the situation, Seven snapped around to shout at the car behind him. “We’ve waited this long, you can wait one more minute or go around! I am busy!”

“Busy being inconsiderate,” Jaehee muttered when the noise ceased. 

“Jaehee… be nice,” Chloe scolded.

“I apologize,” Jaehee said to Six. “But we’ve been waiting in traffic a long time, and we have someplace important to be. This delay has been a stressful start to our afternoon.” 

“It’s fine,” she replied, taking a couple of steps back. “I’m glad I could help pass the time while you waited. I don’t want to keep you all now that the wreck has been cleared up.” 

“Just— wait,” Seven insisted.

The smile she gave then was stiffer than it had been. But as they kept looking at each other, the smile loosened, lost its tension, and Seven found himself mirroring it. Unbidden, he felt himself wanting to tell Six everything. 

About this insane situation with the RFA. About V and Rika. Even the dreams he’d been having about Saeran. He also wanted to tell her about the agency and how he longed to escape it. Seven had no idea where the urge came from, but the thought of never being able to tell her any of those things left an empty feeling in his chest.

The last thing he wanted to do was drag this beautiful stranger down into his darkness, but for some reason, he could not just let her go. He felt a little bit lost, but that did not really matter. It was better than feeling nothing at all. 

“Please, give me your number,” Seven said seriously, ignoring the curious look Jaehee shot him. “We can trade names later.”

“Ok,” Six said. “Do you have something to write it down with?” 

Seven shook his head. “No need, I have an excellent memory.”

“He does, and even though he says really  _ weird _ things,” Jaehee said, pausing as she glanced over at him. “He is also a very trustworthy person.”

“Well, then here’s to trusting I’ll learn your name someday soon,” she said, smiling. Six then rattled off her number, winked as she popped her earbud back in, and left without another word. 

In the rearview mirror, Seven watched her run along. One foot in front of the other until a light touch on his arm dragged him back into the car.

“Hmm?”

Jaehee was looking at him, not mutinously as he’d anticipated for remaining idle, but with concern. “Chloe said she wrote down the number.”

When he glanced in the rearview mirror again, Six was gone, and he wondered how he could already miss her. Then Seven thought about the interconnectedness of all things. How the past, present, and future were all linked in a complex, infinite web. And how he did not have a place on it. He was a shadow, and nothing more. 

“Thanks, Chloe, but if I need it, I’ve got it cataloged away.”

“Why do you sound so sad, Seven?”

“Just remembered my place is all,” he said, then revved the engine before continuing on to their destination. 

For the duration of the drive, his thoughts wouldn’t do anything useful. They kept gravitating back to Six. First, it was the little things. The way the sun caught her hair or how she chewed on her bottom lip while mulling things over. It was her voice, soft and melodious, but flattening out a little when Jaehee had made her feel uncomfortable. The ease in which Six had smiled at him. Then it was wondering what she liked, where she lived, her hopes and dreams and if Seven could somehow fit in there  _ anywhere. _

A battle began to rage between what Seven wanted, what he deserved, and what he could actually have. But if there was one thing he knew with absolute certainty, it was that he didn’t deserve to find out. Still, Seven couldn’t forget how much he liked the feel of her eyes on him.

On the coast the winds were high. Far below, the waves crashed against the cliff. And for once knowing that he was thinking dangerous things wasn’t enough to stop him from thinking them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For anyone curious, you can find 'Six’s' face claim: [here](https://drive.google.com/file/d/1KSmdIA8_m1kk8y8ll1iQJ02GaprMENeh/view?usp=sharing) & [here](https://drive.google.com/file/d/1PDpeLlWKAR60gCZDVyo3YEcIEaiug3Mg/view?usp=sharing) ❤️


	2. First Contact

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter lines up with CH1 of my friend’s V|MC fic in this universe: You Look Like an Angel to Me & takes place on Day 8 of V’s route.

A sudden glare on the screen prompted Seven to glance behind him. The setting sun streamed into the room through a rip in the tattered curtains. It hardly seemed possible that almost a day had passed since rescuing Chloe and V. Seven had a dizzying sense of a clock’s hands speeding forward, unstoppable. 

He was tired to the bone, not to mention still reeling from what he had seen in that place, but this hacker just would not let up. As of now, his hands flew defensively across the keyboard almost on autopilot. Beside him, Vanderwood seemed just as restless. Something was comforting about his random mumbled string of expletives, like what Seven was thinking was popping out of the man’s mouth instead of his own. 

Then a voice, low and calm, broke through the monotony. 

At that, Vanderwood smacked his hands down on the table before pushing away. His coat swung onto his shoulders. The faint smell of leather and cigarettes wafted through the air. He went over to the doorway, his posture was defensive and uncertain. 

“Wait, is he awake? I need to see him.” 

Footsteps, the shifting of weight that made a floorboard creak. Multiple voices. Seven ignored it all. The beginnings of a headache crept along the bones around his eyes. Taking his glasses off, he pressed down on the delicate nerves. The pain stopped, then bloomed, briefly boring into the center of his head.

It was time to reset the clock, then move forward of his own accord in a way that would lead someplace productive. To do that, he needed a distraction. They were something that helped him so much. With the RFA messenger in shambles and the somber atmosphere in the cabin, Seven was left with very few options. But that didn’t matter, actually, because all at once, the thousand and one thoughts of Six he'd been setting aside crowded his mind. 

Seven was an expert at digging up information on just about anybody, and he had a more than adequate starting point. A phone number was practically a master key—unlocking a name, social security number, address and eventually her computer. From there, he could even dig up her innermost secrets if he chose to do so. 

It wasn’t a conscious decision, he just did it. 

The trick was putting the information together in the right order. Then Seven would have an accurate picture of a person, not an imperfect opinion. Given what he found, it was not a complicated task. 

Olivia Ira Lee was born exactly two months after him on August 11th in Cambridge, England. Her parents, Huijun and Willow Lee, still lived in the same home she grew up in. Her father recently received tenure at Cambridge University, and her mother was never anything more than a housewife as far as he could tell despite her degree in linguistics. Olivia had a brother one year older, Jinho Lee, who currently resided in London and played cello in the London Philharmonic Orchestra. 

Upon graduating high school with top marks, Olivia instantly began coursework at Cambridge University. She had maxed out her courseload year-round, allowing her to graduate with a degree in engineering within three years. It appeared she was currently taking a gap year and traveling some before continuing on to follow in her father’s footsteps and attend SKU for her master’s degree. 

There were no social media accounts to sort through, but in the pictures he managed to find, she was always smiling, surrounded by teammates from the rowing team or classmates at various robotic competitions. However, Seven found nothing in her email correspondence or cell phone records that gave him any reason to believe that Olivia had established any long-lasting relationships with those around her. 

Like him, she was merely collecting days, piling them one on top of another without meaning or purpose. 

But that  _ smile _ she had given him was so different than the one on his screen. It kept cropping up in his mind, again and again. An anchored moment between them upon which everything or nothing could hinge.

And the choice was his. 

It would be nice to have something that belonged to only himself. Something not tied to the RFA or born from his messed up life. He shouldn’t be thinking like this, but it was as irresistible as it was unnerving. The world seemed to slow down as whatever was holding him back released him. 

_ [707] Six in space respond, over! Respond 606!  _

Then there were footsteps nearby, and it evened back out. Seven only turned his head when Vanderwood suddenly asked, “What’s with the princess?” 

At first, Seven thought he would ignore him. He couldn’t see Vanderwood, and the question was clearly not directed at him, but Seven’s phone vibrating made him want to remind Vanderwood of his irritation over the satellite images. Informants were not supposed to know anything concrete about one another even if it could not be helped. They gleaned a little every hour, every week, every month they worked together.

Still, Seven trusted him. Maybe. But that did not negate the fact Vanderwood was a chain around Seven’s ankle keeping him in place. 

“We rescued her from a tower,” he put in. 

“... Was there really a tower?” 

“There was even a dragon!” 

“Why is everything in the RFA so complicated? I thought this was a charity organization,” Vanderwood grumbled, then he stalked off. 

A tug at his lip, that was gone as quickly as Seven felt it, then he mentally checked out of the cabin. For now, he was not interested in what V had to say. The secrets learned and the ones that still remained, it was all soul-deadening, and Seven longed for the simple truth found in an uncomplicated smile. 

_ [606] Seven! What’s up meow? Over!  _

There was a small wash of warmth at that, and he felt it, that truth. Seven wondered if Six felt the same thing. 

_ [707] lolol! Such a cute kitty.  _

_ [707] I hope u didn’t think I forgot about u >_< I’ve been so busy I wanna die.  _

_ [606] T_T Don’t die.  _

_ [707] T_T Don’t cry. I’ll stay alive, just for u.  _

_ [606] I’ll hold you to that ^^  _

_ [606] Ok. Step 1: eating. Have you eaten dinner?  _

_ [707] Umm…  _

Honestly, Seven could not remember the last time he had eaten. It was definitely more recent than the last time he had slept, but that wasn’t necessarily something he wanted to admit either. At least, he could smell something on the stove top, warm and aromatic. His mouth might have watered if he wasn’t so thirsty. 

_ [707] No. Not yet. But hopefully soon. _

_ [707] What about you?  _

_ [606] Same. I ordered not too long ago. Should be out anytime.  _

_ [707] What did u get? _

_ [606] Ramen and steamed pork buns. _

_ [707] omg that sounds amazing. _

_ [606] I’m at Cafe Nova. I’ll wait for you if you happen to be close by…  _

His heart hiccuped in his chest, then started to beat faster. It was a relatively new eatery located just outside of the city center, away from the skyscrapers. Seven only knew it existed because Jumin had been fascinated by the rooftop concept and had analyzed the cost/benefit at length one day in the chatroom after checking it out. 

Glancing at his monitor, there was a moment of hesitation, but then Seven’s nature took over. To observe, to want to know, to dig deeper. Within moments he had hacked into the agency satellite, yet again, for his personal use. The risks were inconsequential; they always were.

Zooming in on the building, the floorplan sprung up, then people, making the scene come to life. Heating lamps glowed a purple-orange among the tables, string lights twinkled like stars waiting for the sun to set. It did not take any effort to find Six. She was the only person dining alone, far off in one corner by the rooftop edge. Her chair was perpendicular to the table to look out over the city; feet tucked up, phone in one hand and she appeared to be chewing on her nail of the other.

Seven felt a hook-like yank in his chest thinking that such a nervous gesture stemmed from waiting for his answer. Which he still hadn’t done and realized that a second too late.

_ [606] Sorry. That was presumptuous of me.  _

_ [606] You said you were busy.  _

_ [707] No! It’s fine! Don’t be sorry! >_< I just got distracted a moment.  _

_ [707] I’m out of town right now, or I would in a heartbeat. _

_ [707] But I’m there in spirit, ok? _

On the screen, she turned her head, looking a new direction. Perhaps a reflexive display of her disappointment. That made Seven excited and unhappy. He knew she would be leaving in a few days and it bothered him that he had selfishly interrupted her life to only let her down. 

_ [606] Ok ^^  _

_ [707] ^^ _

The idea suddenly came to him that he could say anything to Six, and no one could stop him. With her, he could choose to exist, or not. The possibility that, in fact, Seven could screw around with the order of things suddenly insinuated itself into his head. There had to be a way out this, a series of calculated choices, he just couldn’t  _ see it _ —not yet. 

_ [707] Raincheck? _

_ [606] I’m only visiting, but I’ll be moving out here next year for grad school if you feel like waiting that long. _

_ [707] I made u wait, it’s only fair I take a turn. _

_ [606] That hardly sounds fair, and honestly I didn’t expect to hear from you at all. _

_ [707] T_T u didn’t? _

_ [606] It’s nothing personal... Let’s just say until recently I was also so busy I wanted to die and people weren’t very understanding of that. _

_ [707] T_T That’s sad. _

_ [606] It’s ok. It was my choice, but this gap year was sort of forced on me. It’s weird having so much free time.  _

_ [707] Oh! I can help with that! _

_ [707] I’d like to <<subscribe to #sixfacts>> _

A pause as someone approached her. It was only the waiter delivering her dinner, and Six did no more than give him a passing glance before redirecting her attention back to her smartphone.

_ [606] Thank you for subscribing to #sixfacts! #sixfacts are subject to standard text messaging rates! Text STOP at any time to unsubscribe! _

_ [606] I can’t rollerskate. I always trip over those toe stopper thingys and I gave up trying after I broke my arm when I was sixteen.  _

Never before had Seven so desperately wanted to send his personalized heart eyes emoji. He’d have to export the gif from the RFA app when he had time in the unforeseeable future.

_ [707] !!! _

_ [707] The world is beautiful to have people like u in it. ^^ _

_ [707] I think I’m in love. <3 <3 <3 _

_ [606] lolol! Thanks^^  _

_ [606] Do I also get to <<subscribe to #sevenfacts>>? _

_ [707] Thank u for subscribing to #sevenfacts! #sevenfacts are FREE and u can never unsubscribe! _

_ [707] I have three pairs of glasses, subtle differences. Fashionista Seven! _

_ [606] I want to try one on... _

_ [707] >.< I think I’d like that. _

Vanderwood returned to the main room then, and Seven remembered everything he had been trying to forget. Questions about the hacker, conflicting emotions surrounding V, and his struggle to stay on track despite the eddying chaos around him. No matter what Seven did or what the truth was, the outcome was sure to change everything. 

How he handled that outcome, however, was his choice. Of that, he was certain.

_ [707] Hey, my coworker just got back and he brought dinner. I should eat and get back to work.  _

_ [707] I’ll be in touch…  _

_ [606] I hope it eases up soon. I'll be waiting until then.  _

_ [707] Oh! And my name is Saeyoung Choi. _

Vanderwood stopped beside him and placed a can of Ph.D. Pepper and a bowl of broth with diced spring onions in it off to the left side of Seven’s workspace. Once seated, Vanderwood picked up a mug, blew across the top of it. Then pausing, he leaned over and squinted at Seven’s screen. 

“What the hell is that? Not more satellite images for me to look at?” 

“Nah. This is something else.” Seven cracked open the can, and he was about to close the satellite feed when Six sat back and suddenly looked up. He wasn’t sure, but his heart might have stopped. Twice. It seemed as if she held his gaze a long moment before letting go. 

“Just pretend you didn’t see that,” Seven said as the butchered strings of code that used to once be his beautiful creation refilled the screen. He rubbed his eyes a moment, then checked his phone as the follow-up vibration went off. 

_ [606] Saeyoung...^^  Nice to officially meet you. My name is Olivia Lee. _

“Why are you smiling?” Vanderwood asked, looking at him like he was a hereto undiscovered animal. “Who was she?”

“I don’t know,” Seven answered, smile widening. It was astonishing how he was lying and telling the truth at the exact same time. “But I’m gonna to find out.”

Vanderwood tilted his head, and his mouth thinned into a straight line. “Seems like you’re back to normal if you’re making stupid fucking decisions again.” 

Seven winked, feeling the slight pressure of friendship, a sense of warning. He knew he was being watched constantly, and Seven couldn’t entirely frame it in his mind, but he was certain he wasn’t the only one who wanted a way out. 


	3. Threshold Consciousness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For reference, this chapter starts on Day 10 sometime after the 06:21 chat with Yoosung/Seven/MC & ends just after the 08:38 chat with Rika/Jaehee/MC.

Seven was so exhausted he hardly felt anything at all. There was only the vague worry that V could still die because he had pushed himself too hard and had made a grave mistake. But even that didn’t bother him as much as it should have.

So when a hand curled around his shoulder, cautiously squeezing, Seven felt little by way of curiosity or anxiety. Whatever happened, happened. He had done everything he could, and if it weren’t enough, after this was over he would just disappear. 

“Hey, are you ok? You haven’t moved for like three minutes,” Vanderwood said. 

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

The hand left Seven’s shoulder. “You don’t look fine.” 

“Could I get you some coffee as well, Luciel?”

Confused, Seven swiveled toward the voice. He was not hallucinating. It was not Six, but Ms. Prudence Owens, the Assistant to the Chief Assistant. Their accents were disturbingly similar, and it had been disorientating given his current state. 

“No thanks, Prudie,” Seven said, then smiled at the fleeting look of shock on her face. He had done extensive research on her at Jaehee’s request, and Poppy knew it based on the follow-up scowl. There and gone in a flash.

“It seems I have you to thank for my current position,” Poppy said as she handed Jumin a cup. He looked down at the curls of steam rising from the little styrofoam container, then between the two of them with a small, thoughtful frown on his brow. 

Feeling his mouth pull wider, Seven shook his head. “I wouldn’t thank me just yet.” 

Clearing her throat, Poppy curled a loose strand of dark hair behind her ear. “Is there something wrong, Mr. Han?” 

“The construction of this cup is questionable,” Jumin replied evenly. “The probability of it breaking is very high, and the additional cost required to use a more reliable material would be more than worth it to prevent injury and any potential lawsuits.” 

There was the faintest lift to the corner of her mouth. “I’m sure I can find something more suitable in the gift shop.”

“Please do,” he agreed. “It is wise of them to take advantage of situations such as this to increase the hospital’s profits.” 

“Yes, it is,” Poppy agreed. Her voice tinged with amusement. “Can I get either of you anything while I’m away?”

“Nah,” Seven said, waving her off. He sure as hell wasn’t going to add to Poppy's workload. As it was, thanks to her, Seven had on clean clothes instead of the bloodstained ones he had arrived in. That had been more than enough. It had helped keep his fractured mind from shattering completely. Let him hang on and keep going considering the first thing he had done after things settled enough to take a breath was scrub all traces of blood from his shaking hands.

Errantly, he thought about his babe. It would need to be detailed… 

Or burned. 

Seven abruptly closed his laptop and unplugged it. “I need step out for a minute anyway. Change things up.”

“I haven’t been seriously injured by one of these yet, so I’m good,” Vanderwood said, shrugging. 

Poppy giggled on her way out of the room they had taken over as their onsite command post while V was in surgery. Seven hesitated in the doorway a moment before following after her. Raising a bit of chaos might help his gloomy mood, even if he didn’t stick around to enjoy the aftermath. 

“Hey Vanderwood, Jumin has never been to a convenience store.” 

Before he had even managed two full steps down the corridor, Seven heard Vanderwood ask: “How is that even possible?” 

A smirk found his face, briefly, and from there, it took another thirty-one steps to the vending machine. Then once Seven had a Ph.D. Pepper in hand, he went back eighteen steps down the hall to the private waiting room and set up shop. He had no idea where Chloe disappeared off to, but Jumin had the means to make anything happen, and that included securing an entire hospital floor. 

Bodyguards were assigned in pairs to every exit, and only pre-approved hospital personnel were given clearance. Should any of them, including Poppy or Vanderwood, try to leave, Jumin was notified before they were allowed to continue on with their business, with an armed guard, of course. 

Seven sat on the couch, his feet up on the table. The computer in his lap. A can of Ph.D. Pepper balanced on the nearby armrest. The cloud covered sky was starting to turn gray, and he still had so much to do Seven didn’t know where to start. Music often helped in times like this. Something without words, since there were plenty of those jumbled up in his head, that just thrummed through his body. Seven tugged up the sleeves to his black, long-sleeved shirt then dug his phone out of his jeans. 

_ [606] I hate flying.  _

He looked up at the clock on the wall as if to confirm the time, then back down at his phone. Six had sent the message almost an hour ago. His cell was on silent. The vibrations must not have been enough to catch his attention. 

That she was leaving the country suddenly loomed large in his mind. Would she forget about him in a few days? Weeks? Seven wanted to believe, of course, that wouldn’t happen, but he could not trust anything would ever work out in his favor. A sick feeling settled into the pit of his stomach. 

_ [707] Sry >_<  didn’t notice my phone go off. hope ur not in the air yet. _

_ [606] Not yet;; And no worries <3 _

_ [707] ur too kind^^ Is there a reason u hate flying?  _

_ [606] Not really lol. There’s just something about hurtling through the air in a tin can that I find terrifying. Especially after a flight delay because of high winds. _

_ [707] U thought of me while afraid? That’s so cute of u. _

_ [606] ;;It’s a little embarrassing but I’m glad you think so.  _

_ [606] Have things eased up yet?  _

_ [707] Nope. Shit went sideways & now I’m stuck in a hospital. I hate hospitals.  _

Seven was looking into the weather when he realized, about three seconds too late, that could be interpreted as  _ he  _ was the one who had been admitted to the hospital. Midway through typing out a clarification, his phone began to vibrate. 

_ — Incoming call: Six in Space — _

Not answering was not an option, and yet doing so felt like adding depth to something he didn’t fully understand as it was. But Seven wanted to figure it out, it seemed imperative.

“Olivia. You’ve called…”

“You sound tired, Saeyoung,” she said. “Are you ok?”

Just hearing his name made him feel different; a stronger sense of self-awareness. “Honestly, I don’t know… Are you worrying about me?” 

“Is that alright?”

“Yeah, it’s just… unfamiliar,” Seven admitted, running his fingers through his hair against the grain. Then he took a breath. “Someone who’s sort of a father figure to me got hurt last night. He’s in surgery now.”

“I’m sorry, it must be awful,” she said. “I know we hardly know each other, but if you ever need a friend to talk to, I’m here, and if you’d rather not, I’m happy to keep sending you random nonsense to distract you from it all on occasion.” 

The softness of her tone and the quiet hesitation before she said the word  _ friend,  _ soothed something inside him. It would be impossible to explain it all to Olivia, and yet she seemed to expect nothing from him while at the same time merely enjoying his existence. 

“You must be an angel,” he murmured. 

“Nah,” she said, chuckling. A little bashfully if Seven didn’t know better. “I’m just a lone little astronaut off to see some of what’s out there in the universe.” 

“Where’s your rocket taking you next?” Seven asked because he actually didn’t know. 

“Japan for a few weeks, then to California and New York before heading home for the holidays,” Olivia said. “It feels like I’ve been traveling forever, but I’ve only been in Korea for about a month, and before that, I was in Italy for two weeks.”

Seven frowned. “And you’re doing this all alone?”

“Yeah, well, my family is busy, and there really isn’t anyone else to drag along,” she answered without a hint of sadness in her voice. If anything, it sounded bleached of feeling.

“What about me?”

“What about you?”

The dryness in her tone sent a tickling sensation through his chest and Seven breathed out a huff of amusement to offset it. “I thought we said we’d go to the moon together?”

“I haven’t seen a contract yet,” Olivia said, and he could hear the smile in her voice. His own smile widened, and he held onto the thread of warmth that bloomed into awareness. 

“Jumin has been busting his ass alongside me, but he’ll get to it when things settle. Hopefully, that’s soon. I could really use a break. Ack,” Seven said, suddenly yawning widely. “Sorry about that. I’ve been struggling through a no man’s sea of 0 and 1 for days now…  I’m pretty sure I dozed off earlier and face planted into my keyboard.” 

“Are your precious glasses still intact? I’d hate for you to be down a pair.”

“Yep,” he said. “Even my charming eyelashes came through unscathed.”

Olivia laughed then. Just hearing that sound from her made his heart thump in his chest, and for a moment, he could actually feel his face grow hot. Seven’s gaze flicked down to his screen, the temptation to  _ see  _ her face light up with joy was near overpowering. 

“I’m glad to hear it,” she said. “So, is Jumin the one who was messaging me with your phone the other day?”

“Nah, that was Madam Vanderwood. He’s my handler. He comes off indifferent, but I know he cares.” If Vanderwood didn’t care, he would not have been messing around with his phone in the first place. Then Seven’s eyes widened when he realized what he had just said. 

“Handler?” Olivia repeated, sounding confused. “May I ask what it is you do?” 

“Umm…” An interminable, distorted pocket of time opened up around Seven. He weighed the pros and cons, considered the possible outcomes, and decided there was no use in hiding the truth. If he did, any feelings that had or might have developed between them would only turn into poison, and the last thing he wanted to do was  _ hurt  _ her. 

“I’m an informant,” he told her. “Codename: Seven Zero Seven. Occupation: hacker that protects the world!”

“Are you serious?”

“Yep. ‘Tis I, Seven, this generation’s one and only hacker with a conscience.”

Silence then, and Seven smiled, a hard, bitter thing he was glad no one could see. After a few beats, he added: “But that doesn’t matter does it?”

“No, not as much as you probably think,” Olivia replied, gently.  

A strange, weak nervousness spread through him. “I can’t believe you haven’t hung up yet.”

“Do you want me to?”

“No! Not at all,” he insisted, flustered by the question.

Olivia chuckled. “It’s a job, Saeyoung. People have them.” 

“It’s more than that,” he said, lips twitching into a frown. “The agency I work for is a shithole. It’s really dangerous, and I should be grateful, well, I am grateful, but I hate it.”

“Quit,” Olivia said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “Find something different.”

“I don’t know if that’s possible...” 

“Once you get through whatever is going on, I’m sure you can sit down and figure it out.” 

Her energy was so steady, deep and calm. Unlike anything Seven had ever encountered. It made his heart feel heavy, stonelike, and he wished he knew what it felt like to have such a positive outlook on life. Absently, he rubbed at his face, not wanting to give away how lost he really was, but Seven was spent, mentally and physically. 

“I keep thinking bad things lately, but talking to you…” Seven began, shaking his head. “I’m glad you called. It’s really soothing, listening to your voice. It gives me a perfectly cozy, relaxing feel.”

Olivia hummed an acknowledgment. “I meant what I said earlier. You have my number; you can call me whenever you want.”

Seven didn’t immediately reply. He couldn’t with his breath caught tight in his chest. Already, Olivia knew too much. He should shut her out. Prevent his darkness from snuffing out her light. That would be the  _ right _ thing to do. But he couldn’t, because feeling like he was real felt amazing.

“Thank you, sweetie,” he murmured without thinking. Then Seven felt uncomfortable with the silence that just kept on stretching, worried it was going to snap back and sting unpleasantly.

“Will you do me a favor?” Olivia asked finally. 

“Ask, and it’s yours.” 

“Get some sleep. You sound like you need it,” she said. “Hop in your spaceship and travel to dreamland. Even if it’s just for thirty minutes.”

“You don’t have to worry about me. I’m used to this. Once I worked nonstop at my desk for like five days, but I’m still walking and talking.” 

“Alright. You would know what you’re capable of better than I would.” 

There was something about her tone that suggested she wasn’t telling him how she really felt about it, and it bothered him. In truth, he wanted nothing more than to collapse onto the sofa. So Seven did precisely that, trying to make his tired, fuzzy brain cooperate and think up something to say.

“Luciel.”

His eyes snapped open immediately. Jumin was standing in the doorway, and directly above him, the clock was tick-tocking away. Not much of the morning had slipped by. Seven might have, in fact, gotten just over the thirty minutes of sleep Olivia had requested of him. 

Seven sat up and swung his legs over the edge of the couch, shoving his glasses up to press the heels of his palms into his eyes. It didn’t make him feel any more awake or ready to deal with reality. 

“Heya, Jumin. What’s up?” Seven asked, his voice scratchy.

A flicker of something crossed Jumin’s face. Discomfort? Worry? Seven had a sinking feeling that Jumin had come to share more bad news. 

“Rika dropped by in the messenger.”

“Rika?”

“Yes,” Jumin said. “She tried to pretend as if nothing has happened, but did eventually make several incriminating remarks about Mint Eye. You should review the log before we discuss how best to proceed.”

“Alright. I’ll get on that.”

“We’ll be waiting.” Jumin tipped his head to one side, then turned away.

Once alone Seven sighed and reached for his mobile. His eyes lit on a text message, and he smiled. 

_ [606] 01110011 01110111 01100101 01100101 01110100 01100100 01110010 01100101 01100001 01101101 01110011 _

Translating the zeros and ones, it pulled wider:  _ sweet dreams. _

_ [707] <<Seveny’s favor to Six has been fulfilled>> _

_ [707] whoops for passing out on u, but thx for calling. It made me feel better. _

_ [707] I wanna get to know u & ask all these questions, but now isn’t the time. When this is over, I’ll sleep for 2 days & then we can try again. _

_ [606] I’d like that.  _

_ [707] okie^^ don’t skip your meals, stay safe. _

_ [606] Likewise.^^ _

Seven was afraid of dreaming, of seeing the suppressed snippets of his life. They were powerful and left him drained when he opened his eyes to face another day. The nightmares were worse, but he knew what to do with those as well. But the dreams of a different life…

They may never meet again. Never touch or share the same air. But Seven knew, in the back of his mind, that he would always wait for that day to come, and at the same time, be satisfied to simply exist in the same world as her. 


	4. Run, run lost girl.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IMPORTANT NOTES ABOUT THE TIMELINE: I'm moving A LOT of time from the last chapter to here because abdominal wounds, like the one V received, take time to heal. Lara & I are acknowledging this and giving him ~6 weeks of recovery time post-route before he leaves on his journey of healing/self-discovery.
> 
> This chapter is takes place in Episode 06 of V's After Ending after Saeyoung starts to work for C&R.

**Decemeber 2018**

The pavement was damp and pocked with the occasional puddle that shone in the morning sun. Olivia did not bother trying to avoid them. She was too busy trying to outrun her thoughts. 

It would have been easier, she knew, to empty her mind if she had a device on her, music blaring. However, Olivia hadn’t owned a basic mp3 player in years, and the last thing she wanted right now was to be reachable or traceable or goddamned connected to the world around her in any way, shape, or form. It was the main reason she had chosen to run the trails along the River Cam. Well, that and the almost 8 km she’d add to her ever increasing log. 

Since returning home, Olivia had been running and running. Sometimes even in the dead of night until she was so weary and spent sleep couldn’t possibly evade her. It used to be something she only did when she didn’t have access to the boathouse to go rowing, but running had become part of her daily routine while traveling. Now, Olivia was leaner, faster; it took longer for her tire.

While in college, she had dreamed of having a relationship; finding someone who would understand or at least sympathize with her need to prove herself. To feel like she could shine on her own, and not be trapped in her brother’s inescapable shadow forever. 

Yet there was no one.

Friendships had bloomed but quickly dissipated. There had even been boys; attempts at intimacy that fell apart before they could even begin. Olivia wasn’t sure anymore if she stayed busy to offset the loneliness or if the loneliness stemmed from being so busy, but either way, she had gotten used to it. Her future looked promising, and that was enough. She had worked hard for it. To her family, however, it seemed a sign that she had gotten things wrong. That her life was on hold, and she was waiting; waiting for what, she didn’t know. 

Until she had met Saeyoung. 

He had given her something she had long given up on. Filled the dead space Olivia had so vehemently denied. The moment she had laid eyes on Saeyoung, his sharp amber eyes had never stopped communicating with her, even when he hadn’t been speaking. Instantly, she had felt a deep, instinctive connection; a connection she had believed he reciprocated. But as it turned out, Olivia had wasted her time believing in something that wasn’t real. 

Transoceanic flights always made her more anxious than usual. They talked every day as it was, so she had thought nothing of calling Saeyoung to diffuse some tension. Plus, it had become an unspoken arrangement anyway that Olivia did so before every takeoff and again after landing. He had answered at the last possible second, then much to her bewilderment, snapped at her, belittled her—told her she meant nothing to him—and Christ, had it  _ stung. _

Since then, Olivia had been trying so fucking hard to readjust. Being alone wasn’t the problem. She’d had years of practice. It was the pain and confusion, the unanswered questions, and the discovery she couldn’t just  _ forget  _ no matter how much she wanted to. Olivia tripped a little, lurching to the side as the memory bridged to the unexpected text that had brought everything she had been trying to suppress, to surface. 

_ [A Dumbass] 01001001 00100111 01101101 00100000 01110011 01101111 01110010 01110010 01111001 _

Olivia could not determine what had pissed her off more: the fact he had hacked into her contacts to insert himself back into her life in this bullshit cutesy way, the apology itself, or the fact she had taken the time to translate it in the first place. Afterward, she had massaged the stiff muscles in her neck, trying to calm down, but the tenderness she still felt toward Saeyoung mixed in there was intolerable. 

_ [Olivia] No need to apologize. Like you said: it’s not like we ever really had any sort of relationship.  _

Picking up the pace, Olivia ran until she was sweating with effort, barely able to catch her breath. She shouldn’t regret it or want to know why now but she did. How she missed him. His laughter, his jokes, his deflective sincerity. The way his eyes would light up when they video chatted. It had only been eleven days without him, but it felt like a lifetime. Olivia realized then, what it was that made it hurt so much, she loved him. 

All of a sudden, the world tilted, spun, and yet she was no longer moving. Feeling like she was going to throw up, Olivia braced herself against a tree and squeezed her eyes shut. When she was ready to stand unsupported, Olivia raised her head high. Then she swiped at the moisture on her face, indifferent about whether it was just sweat or tears too. The world around her looked different, and she felt a blank sort of acceptance that finally put a stop to her thoughts. Olivia settled into it, focusing on putting one foot in front of the other for the rest of her run. 

Later, when she arrived back at her childhood home, Olivia found the front door locked, so she went around to the side door. Her parents had insisted she move back in, rent-free, until she left for grad school. Jinho’s car was still in the driveway, and she realized she had no idea how long her brother was going to be there before going back to London. Her family always had her best intentions at heart, and she had been closed off since her return. They were probably worried, but everything she’d recently experienced had thrown into question the life choices she had made. 

Entering the kitchen, the smell of freshly baked sweet dough greeted her. Scones were the first thing her mother had taught Olivia how to cook, so the pastry held a special place in her heart alongside blueberry jam. She had been absent for this year’s ritual picking and canning. It was one of the few things she made time for, but Olivia had been halfway across the world. 

Her mother looked as lovely and regal as ever. New acquaintances found her intimidating, but Olivia couldn’t fathom what it was about her that didn’t immediately invite people in. Olivia wondered, not for the first time, if she had the same air about her. She seemed to take after her mother in every other way. Straight brown hair, olive skin, blue eyes — met someone that turned her life upside down in downtown Seoul. 

“You seemed like you could use some cheering up,” her mother said. 

“Thanks, mum.” A pause, then Olivia added, “I just feel like I don’t know what I’m doing anymore,” because she owed her mother some sort of explanation. 

“I don’t think you ever did sweetheart.” Her mother gave her a hug, uncaring that Olivia was a sweaty mess. “Have you ever thought about why it’s so important to you? Your studies.”

“I have,” she admitted, stepping away to prep herself a plate. It was true, Olivia had internalized some things that probably weren’t entirely healthy, but that was no one’s fault but her own. 

“It’s our fault you know,” her mother said as if reading her mind. “Your father’s and mine. Life is all about balance, and we were so worried Jinho wouldn’t find that because of his gift. People expected so much from him. We didn’t realize it until it was too late, that you were absorbing everything we were trying to shield him from.”

She looked down at the scones. They needed to be split in half first. Olivia put the fork back into the jam. “I just want to leave a mark on the world. Isn’t that what everyone wants?”

“Ok,” her mother began decisively. “We know your father has, and so has your brother, but what about me? Do you think I’ve left a mark on this world?”

“Of course, you have.”

“But I’m only a housewife.” 

Olivia frowned. “You’re more than that, and you know it.” 

“Maybe to you, because you’re part of my world.”

“No— well, yes, but you do so much for the community. You’re shortchanging yourself on purpose.”

Her mother nodded slowly. “To prove a point.”

All the stress, and particularly the physical stress she’d brought upon herself, had worn her out. Olivia didn’t want to think anymore. “And what is that, mum?”

“We don’t expect you to be anyone other than who you are.”

“I know my problems are self-inflicted.”

“Not all of them.”

“I don’t want to talk about him,” Olivia said, in a rush. 

“Then we won’t,” her mother replied, shrugging. “He doesn’t have to be part of your world. There is plenty of distance between the two of you already, and it would be simple to let it grow.”

“Yeah,” Olivia sighed, pushed back the hair that had come loose and gotten in her eyes. “Simple.”

Her mother smiled then, sad but trying. “I know taking a step back has been hard, harder still letting someone new in, but there are other people out there. For now, I’m here, so is Jinho and your dad; we used to all be so close before you went to college. We just want you to find that balance; make your mark in your world, not one you think you need to.”

“I’ll figure it out. I have time.”

“I’m glad to hear you say that. Now I’ll shut up about it.” 

“You don’t have to,” Olivia said, chuckling. “But I appreciate it.” 

“I don’t know if you care, but your phone kept going off, so Jinho stuffed it into the couch cushions.” 

Olivia fiddled with her water glass and scuffed her shoe lightly over a rung on the nearby barstool. She couldn’t remember where she had left her mobile, but it had been on silent. How often had it been humming alerts to drive Jinho to do that?

“When is he leaving?”

“This weekend. Like you said, you have time,” her mother assured, placing a hand on Olivia’s shoulder, just briefly, on the way out of the room. 

Alone, Olivia stood quietly at the breakfast bar, knowing it was one of those before and after moments. Her anger had long slipped away; she didn’t want it anyway. It took up too much energy. Without it, she could acknowledge there was no good way to go from  _ ‘fuck off’  _ to  _ ‘I’m sorry.’  _ At least Saeyoung had tried, and she felt her trajectory changing because of that. 

She left her plate on the counter and bent over the sofa in the den to dig her phone out. 

_ 10:42 (1) missed call and (9) messages from A Dumbass _

Olivia went to the back door, hand tight around her mobile. Palm damp. She rested her forehead against the chilled glass a moment before pressing down on the handle. Saeyoung had asked for permission to check in on her from time to time. With what little he had told her about his job, she could understand his need for visual reassurance. He was merely caring for her in his own way, and right now, Olivia knew she couldn’t look at him for a video call but she wanted to leave him the option.

On the patio, she turned on the heating lamp, then got comfortable in a nearby chaise. Olivia glanced up at the security camera before opening her messages. Three of the nine were his little personalized emojis mixed in with the first several texts: two of the ones she had deemed  _ ‘sad 7’ _ and one  _ ‘7’s frustrated tears.’  _

_[A Dumbass]_

_[A Dumbass]_

_ [A Dumbass] I deserve that. I’m sorry if my apology didn’t seem genuine. I just… I was afraid to approach you after…  _

_ [A Dumbass] I wish you had taken your phone. What if something bad happens and no one can find you?  _

_ [A Dumbass] I know I don’t deserve to worry about you. I hurt you, and I’m so angry at myself for it.  _

_[A Dumbass]_

_ [A Dumbass] I want you to know you were the first person I felt like I could talk to.  _

_ [A Dumbass] This was real… More real than anything I’ve had in a long time.  _

_ [A Dumbass] You’re such a bright person. When I talk to you, I feel like I’m sitting under the sun even in the dead of night. You’re not lost in anyone's shadow.  _

For a few seconds, the gravity of everything he’d said— and the fact he used proper spelling —shocked Olivia into inactivity. All she could do was hug her arms around her knees as she tried to process everything. Like her mother had said, there was plenty of distance between the two of them already, and they had both seemed content to let it grow. After rejecting her so harshly, why would Saeyoung try to reverse that? Did he not realize how hard this was—

Her phone vibrating rattled her out of her thoughts.

_ [A Dumbass] Please don’t be sad. I want you to be happy, even if it isn’t with me.  _

It took a few more seconds, but Olivia managed to press the call button. Saeyoung answered almost immediately.

“I knew you’d forgive me.”

An involuntary exhale of amusement left her. “... I think I’ve made a mistake.”

Saeyoung laughed. “Nah! I can see how happy you are to talk to me.” 

She hung up. Then scrubbed her hands down her face. Almost instantly, her mobile started vibrating against her thigh, and damn her, she couldn’t just ignore it. 

“You’re right! I am happy, but I’m also so fucking mad at myself because it shouldn’t be this easy to just let you back in.” 

“I never thought I would hear your voice again.” 

His tone made her realize he felt it too. This weird combination of intense comfort and fear. Olivia wanted to lose herself to the possible but also wanted to feel safe.

“Can you at least tell me what happened?” 

“I don’t want to make excuses for my behavior,” Saeyoung replied. 

“Don’t do that,” Olivia said. “Please? I know I’ve lived a pretty sheltered life in comparison but after everything you've told me about the RFA and your past, have I ever once made you feel like I’m incapable of grasping where you’re coming from?”

There was a pause where it felt like the conversation could go several very different directions but then Saeyoung started to talk to her and Olivia hoped he never stopped again.


	5. Uh, Houston, we’ve had a problem.

His existence had been denied ever since he was young. When hardship found him, the world went about its business without the slightest impact, and that was that. Saeyoung had believed it would be different if he were more than just an abstract idea. Not necessarily better, just less worse. He discovered, however, it was sickeningly similar.

No one really cared about him nor his missing brother. Only the DNA they shared and the scandal it had ignited. No longer able to make himself small and unnoticeable, Saeyoung withdrew; began his journey inward and back. He picked apart every decision made to save Saeran; analyzed each path not taken. All of it weighed on Saeyoung’s mind. Then there was the arsenal of partially formed intel on their father that V had kept to himself. If had V just  _ given  _ it to him sooner perhaps— 

“Gahhhh! Not helping!” 

Saeyoung turned off the shower and hopped out. How long he’d been standing under the warm rain, he wasn’t sure, but his digits were super-duper pruney. Sort of felt like having the impression of a keyboard against his fingers and toes. Probably should make sure his new place had a less efficient water heater. He wanted to go to space, not space out. 

The devil glass was fogged over, so just for funsies, Saeyoung put the fluffy, white towel over his face and ruffled his hair on the way out of the bathroom. Then Saeyoung wrapped it around his hips and flopped into bed. The sheets were freezing. Snatching up his phone from the night table, he cranked up the heat before launching the RFA app. Zen was already in an open chatroom, so he dove right in.

_ —Saeyoung has entered the chatroom— _

_ [Saeyoung]  _

_ [Saeyoung]  _

_ [Saeyoung] wahhh… T_T _

_ [Saeyoung] Zen… y would u lie to me?  _

_ [Saeyoung] I thought u _

_ [Saeyoung]  _ **_loved me!_ **

He made sure to send the last message in his  _ giant _ pink, sparkly cloud — for emphasis. The best part would be how inevitably displeased that detail would make Zen. Not angry. Just displeased. Like how Saeyoung felt about the guilt shower. 

_ [Saeyoung] T_T…  _

_ [ZEN]  _ **_HEY!_ **

_ [ZEN]  _ **_STOP HOGGING!_ **

_ [ZEN]  _

_ [ZEN] and I am not a liar! _

_ [Saeyoung] ya? *sniffle*  _

_ [Chloe] *virtual pats* _

_ [Chloe] Tell me where Zenny hurt you. ♥︎ ♥︎ ♥︎ _

_ [ZEN] Chloe… T_T _

_ [Saeyoung]  _

_ [Saeyoung] He said shower’s r the best to clear ur head _

_ [Saeyoung] but it was _

_ [Saeyoung]  _ **_the worst._ **

_ [Yoosung★] Wait, was the water too hot?  _

_ [Yoosung★]  _

_ [Yoosung★] Is that how it hurt you?  _

_ [Saeyoung] … huh? _

A few seconds later, his brain came back online after failing to follow Yoosung’s completely illogical train of thought. Yoosung was too innocent for his own good, and when he missed the mark like that, Saeyoung couldn’t help but have his imagination kick into a higher gear. 

_ [Chloe] so cute lololol _

_ [Yoosung★]  _

_ [Yoosung★] I am pretty cute. _

_ [ZEN] Anyway...  _

_ [ZEN]  _ **_Saeyoung_ **

_ [ZEN] Listen, I know you’re going through a lot _

_ [ZEN] and showers help me when I’m down _

_ [Saeyoung] Everything is fine… _

_ [Saeyoung]  _ **_I’m fineeeeeee!!!!_ **

_ [ZEN] Liar _

_ [Chloe] 222 _

_ [Yoosung★] 333 _

Too bad he was the only victim of his imagination as of late, and his friends, apparently, knew it. The possibilities and what ifs Saeyoung came up with were just as terrible as the reality that had brought him and Saeran to this point. Unfortunately, Saeyoung couldn’t disregard anything he came up with until he checked twice then thrice or finally found his little brother — dead or alive. 

_ [Saeyoung]  _

_ [Chloe] Cheer up! You’re doing everything possible, but you need to take care of yourself too.  _

_ [Chloe] The offer still stands for you to join us!  _

_ [Chloe] We’re going to have brunch and go ice skating and watch cheesy Christmas movies and make hot chocolate and wear ugly sweaters.  _

_ [Yoosung★] Ahhhh! The casserole!  _

_ —Yoosung★ has left the chatroom— _

_ [ZEN] ………… _

_ [ZEN] …… _

_ [Chloe] … _

_ [Chloe] I picked up some pastries yesterday. Just in case.  _

_ [ZEN] That was a good idea.  _

_ [Chloe] I’m getting ready to head over to Zen’s now!!! Join us, Saeyoung! PLEASE! It’ll be fun. We miss you!  _

_ [Saeyoung] uhhhh……… _

He got out of bed, suddenly full of fight or flight adrenaline, hating the holiday and the way it made him feel. Now more than ever. 

_ [Saeyoung] Thx, but I have to go to work. Lots to do with Miss Stark on holiday.  _

_ [ZEN] Like what?  _

_ [Saeyoung] that’s…  _

_ [Saeyoung]  _ **_difficult to say_ **

_ [Saeyoung] until I get there and see _

_ [ZEN] Liar! _

_ [Saeyoung] Nah… Plus, I get paid extra today. _

_ [Saeyoung] Premium fuel here I come!  _

_ [Saeyoung] Merry Christmas baby cars!  _

_ [Saeyoung]  _

_ —Saeyoung has left the chatroom— _

The fact of the matter was when Saeyoung fixated on Saeran like this, which was practically every waking moment, he’d rather spend that time as productively as possible. Not that he couldn’t do the necessary research from home, but the walls seemed to be pressing in on him today. Usually, that suffocating sensation was triggered out there ever since Rika’s video went viral a few weeks ago. Far less time had passed since the official investigations had closed, but eventually, interest in the illegitimate twins of the Prime Minister would die down. It had to. 

Then Saeyoung would truly be free of his father.

Alongside his meticulously arranged cosplay gear, a half-dozen perfectly tailored designer suits hung side by side in the walk-in closet. Everything else was either semi-organized chaos or a disaster. Which was which depended on if it was a preferred article of clothing or not. The towel made it into the laundry because he actually liked that one. Then he put on his favorite navy blue suit, a matching tie, and his black high tops. Saeyoung also switched his glasses out from the oval lensed pair to the wayfarers before heading to the garage.

Typically, it was about a twenty-minute drive to C&R from his bunker, but without the onslaught of cars and pedestrians battling for the right away at every intersection that was cut in half. As Saeyoung drove, he tried to enjoy the hell out of it as he should. But he didn’t. The best he could manage was not really feeling anything, which was an improvement from the restless, jittery sensation. But then in his office on the thirtieth floor, he found something that filled him with a dozen different feelings, none of which he had names for. 

On his desk was a nondescript package parceled in brown paper about the size of a shoe box. Saeyoung reached out and rested his hand flat against it, framing the shipping label with forefinger and thumb. It was a gift. The first one he’d ever received for any occasion. And yet all he could think was, did she always write in perfect block lettering or was Olivia merely being careful with her handwriting so it would find him safely? 

Saeyoung walked around the open side of his L-shaped desk, powered on the computer, then paced around the room as he sent her a couple of messages.

_ [Saeyoung] Call me when you can.  _

_ [Saeyoung] I’m at the office. _

With that taken care of, he stared out the window trying to ignore the way his heart kept arrhythmically pounding in his chest. The sky was a pale blue with streaks of silvery grey. Saeyoung could see for miles, sense the infinite vastness of the universe. From up here, it looked like any other day, and that helped. 

Until the office phone rang. 

Then his computer pinged as the call was connected to video capabilities. It was 9:00 in the morning and he remembered the eight hour time difference between them with dismay. Saeyoung swiveled the chair around to face the wall of monitors and answered. As he sat, her face filled his center screen. Olivia was as beautiful as ever. His heart hurt in his chest as if someone had taken it in their fist and squeezed. 

“Hey, kitty,” he said, managing a faint smile that she returned. “Sorry I bothered you so late.”

“It’s fine. It always is,” Olivia said.

Shaking his head, Saeyoung glanced at the video feed of himself in the lower corner. Under the fluorescent lights, the circles under his eyes looked like bruises. Ever since reestablishing their ill-defined relationship he had tried to be mindful. Keep her close, but not too close; allow her space, but not enough to drift away. After all, they hadn’t agreed to be exclusive, or anything more than friends really, and considering what he had done, he had no right to ask for more.

“Did I wake you?”

“No.” She gathered her long hair and brushed it forward over her shoulder, running her fingers through it as if trying to smooth out any imperfections. There were none. “I was just—up.” 

Her sad eyes made Saeyoung want to run his fingers over her brow, smooth out the worry lines. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m sorry about the gift if that’s why you wanted to talk. I know you said the holiday is hard on you, so I tried to respect that. Sort of,” Olivia said, then grimaced. “I thought you didn’t have to work today, so you would have gotten it tomorrow, on Boxing Day. Then it’d be a Boxing Day gift, not a Christmas gift. I just—I’m sorry if I crossed a line, I know you didn’t want me to come visit but—”

“Whoa, waitwaitwait,” Saeyoung insisted. “There’s a lot to unpack here, but that last bit is—really problematic. You think I didn’t want to see you in person?”

The sudden color high on her cheeks was a damning answer. 

“Olivia! Of course, I wanna see you,” he said, laughing at the absurdity of it all. “I would’ve loved to spend my first real Christmas with you, but I get recognized everywhere I go and sometimes the paparazzi follow me. I didn’t want to risk dragging you into this nightmare.” 

Her smile was bitter, and he couldn’t blame her, but then she said, “I could’ve handled a few gossip stories if it came to that. I just wanted to make it better somehow.”

Saeyoung liked the idea that he wasn’t alone, that there were people out there who cared that he was struggling, but confiding in his friends wasn’t an option. It was no longer possible to disassociate them from V or the RFA even if none of it was their fault. Olivia, however, was and always had been just his. The day she had welcomed him back into her life, Olivia had remained silent as he unloaded for what felt like hours. But Saeyoung had watched her on the security feed occasionally rubbing at her face as if there were tears which told him how she had really felt.

“You do make it better. I don’t think I could have survived this without you. I almost didn’t,” he reminded. 

She looked away, but Saeyoung still caught it, the pain in her eyes. He knew she was thinking about Stark’s bullet and how even though he had intentionally missed, Saeyoung had asked him to try again. 

“To be honest, I was afraid to see you,” Saeyoung told her. “It’s like all the bad memories keep coming back, and I knew it would be worse today. It always is. And if I wasn’t able to put on a happy face, I’d just feel even more—removed from your world.”

“I know we’ve never talked about it, and I’m not sure why, but it doesn’t have to be my world,” Olivia said. “It could be ours.”

It suddenly felt like Saeyoung couldn’t draw a full breath. He wanted to tell her to keep her heart hidden deep inside so that it wouldn’t be broken by anyone and always be beautiful. But he had already done that, and it still was. The idea of her forgetting about him was no longer what frightened him most. It was the question of whether he could make her happy. 

“I’d like that, but—“ 

Her nose wrinkled, adorably. “Ack! I just made an ass out of myself, didn’t I? Pretend I didn’t say that.” 

Saeyoung grinned. “Not a chance.” 

“Take pity on me.” 

“No can do. I have an excellent memory, remember? Plus—“

“Please, shut up.”

“God, I love seeing you blush. Such. A. Cute. Kitty. Imma take a screenshot.” Saeyoung did, sticking his tongue out in faux concentration as he exaggeratedly poked the necessary keys. 

“This isn’t funny, Sae—“ Her hands flew up to cover her face a split-second too late. “Now you’re just making fun of me,” Olivia said, shifting from speaking Korean to English as she often did when flustered.

He laughed then. “I so am, but what did you just call me?” 

“I guess I called you a bird.” Her voice went up a little at the end making a question where he knew there wasn’t meant to be one.

“I can be your bird,” Saeyoung told her. “But I want to be a cute one, like a duck.”

“Ducks are pretty cute.”

“Quack. Quack.” 

She made a noise that sounded like a snort of amusement. “What are we even doing?” 

“Making this official,” he said, feeling his face heat. Saeyoung had rejected her once out of fear; he would  _ never  _ do it again. If she wanted him, he was hers despite what she might have thought he was going to say. 

Olivia chewed on her lip a moment. “Ya?” 

“Ya.” 

“Kitty and duck, that has a nice ring to it,” she said, smiling in that way that sent warmth spreading through his limbs. 

Saeyoung dropped his gaze as he errantly thought of another even better combination. “It really does.” 

There followed a weighty silence that was oppressive at first, but became oddly soothing the longer he sat and took in the content, albeit tired expression on her face. He considered telling her the truth then, that he loved her, had loved her since the beginning, but it seemed wrong to do it over the phone. It was a secret he would keep forever or until she was so close he could stretch out his fingers and touch her. 

“I’m glad you came back from space early,” she said.

“I am too even though my fuel calculations were off and I just sort of crash landed. Thanks for answering my SOS so quickly by the way.”

Olivia half-shrugged, awkwardly. “I might have been hoping your communication systems would come back online.”

Of course, she had been worried. Saeyoung should have known, but he had been too lost up in his own head. “I’ll run a software update so we won’t lose radio contact like that again. I didn’t realize it was down. I was all over the place before take off. I couldn’t really focus or calm down—but I made you something while I was away. I can send it to you; if you’d like?”

“I’d love you to. I made you something as well.” 

Saeyoung glanced over his right shoulder at the parcel in question. “So which is it? A Boxing Day gift or a Christmas gift?”

“It’s whatever you want it to be,” she said, rubbing her eyes.

“Okie. I’ll decide while you get some sleep; I promise I won’t leave you like that again. You are my favorite kitty after all.” 

Her mouth curved just slightly. “What about Elly?”

“Oh, that’s easy,” Saeyoung began innocently. “I think you’ll like it quite a bit more than Elly if I gave you a little bite.” 

“I’m sure I would,” she said. Olivia knew exactly what she was doing, and he couldn’t help but love her more for it. Even if he low key regretted the places his mind was now taking him. “Until then…” 

His heart skipped a beat as Olivia pressed two fingers to her lips and then touched them to the camera. Automatically his hand lifted to collect her kiss. It was so hard then, to hold it back, but he did; pressing the ghost of her kiss to his own lips. 

“Goodnight sweetie.” 

“Don’t work all day,” she said and then screen when black. 

For a moment, he sat there, finally acknowledging the uncomfortable truth that he wouldn’t be free from his father. At least not soon. Any time the disgraced Prime Minister’s trial or newly unveiled crimes hit the news, there would be rekindled interest in him and Saeran. If Saeyoung ever wanted to have Olivia… not necessarily to just kiss or touch her but to have her sit on a sofa in his house, a house in which they both slept and shared the same air, then he’d have to believe his darkness would never eclipse her light. 

Sighing, Saeyoung turned his attention to the package. He was cautious while opening it to perfectly preserve the shipping label. Later, he’d cut it out and store it in the box, which was, in fact, a shoe box. A Lom’s shoe box to be precise, and he made a mental note of her size and style preferences. Inside, Saeyoung found: a charcoal grey, wool scarf, a book of ‘poetry’ titled  _ Meow  _ in which every word in it was quite literally meow, a gift card to 7-to-Halve with a note stating it was for ‘a premium date with his babes,’ and a little, needle felted rocket that she must have handmade. It had a little ribbon on it, and he decided he would hang it from the rearview mirror in his favorite baby car. Upon closer inspection, he noticed the rocket was a little misshapen, it sort of curved to the left, but she had tried her best. 

He dragged a hand down his face and laughed, then all at once his eyes were full of tears. 

_ [Saeyoung] Thank you for the Christmas gift. It was perfect.  _

_ [my kitty] ^^You’re welcome. I was hoping you’d open it.  _

_ [Saeyoung] Is that why you’re still up?  _

_ [my kitty] ;;maybe _

_ [Saeyoung] So cute _

_ [Saeyoung] Could you do me a favor before you finally travel to dreamland? Could you tell me that he’s doing fine? _

_ [my kitty] I’m sure he’s doing fine.  _

_ [Saeyoung] Thank you… I think so too. I’m sure he got my present. _

_ [my kitty] And he’ll get this year’s too, so if you haven’t gotten him something yet, you should.  _

_ [Saeyoung] You’re right. I should. _

_ [Saeyoung] Merry Christmas, Olivia.  _

_ [my kitty] Happy Christmas, Saeyoung^^  _

_ [Saeyoung] Sweet dreams _

_ [my kitty] thanks <3 I’ll give you another call before the day is over.  _

Setting down his phone, a sudden feeling of inevitability came over him. It was as if everything that was going to happen in his life would play itself out and nothing he could do would change a moment of it. And for the first time ever, Saeyoung was content to see what the future would bring him.  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 새 _(sae)_ = bird


	6. Mission No. 700: Quantum of Sushi

**January 2019**

When Saeyoung arrived at 1 Chaucer Lane, lights were visible in the windows and the sky was filled with big, fat clouds. It was late, but not as late as his jet-lagged mind would have him believe. Locals would be sitting down for their evening meals right about now, and with that in mind, he had requested Mr. Farris, the driver, stop so he could pick up some sushi. About two kilos of it because he knew Olivia liked it but not exactly what kind. 

The old, brown brick three-story house was unremarkable save for the fact it was freestanding and had a two car garage. A matching low brick wall sprouted from beside the red front door and wrapped around the side of the house to enclose the side and back garden. Over it, he could see strings of golden lights twinkling invitingly. Everything about the property seemed to exist solely to remind him that they came from different worlds. 

He sort of looked the part though. He was wearing his favorite boots, jeans, a black button-down shirt, and a dark wool coat. Unlike a normal person, however, this visit was spur of the moment. Saeyoung assumed he would be welcomed, but he couldn’t be sure given the circumstances, so he had asked the driver to hang around until he was inside the house. As fun as waiting for Mr. Farris to return and take his rejected ass back to the airport sounded, Saeyoung would pass. It was cold after all. 

He rang the doorbell. When no one answered, he watched a single sunbeam fight its way through cloud cover, alighting a teeny-tiny slice of the evening sky, but it soon lost the battle. Seemed like an ominous sign, but such things were ridiculously hard to believe in. Saeyoung rang the doorbell again. 

Ten seconds later the door opened. Olivia stood there in black shorts, knee-high socks, and a ‘Cambridge blue,’ half-zip sweatshirt with the university’s Boat Club logo on it. A politely questioning expression was plastered on her face until she registered it was him. Then it shifted to surprise a split-second before the perfectly put together woman seemed to vanish. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.” Her voice wasn’t apologetic. It was hollow, which was worse. “I didn’t know how.”

Adjusting the shoulder strap of his duffle bag, Saeyoung thought back to the day Jumin had told him Mint Eye’s hacker shared his DNA and the unstoppable tempest of his anguish. Other than how he had hurt Olivia, he couldn’t say he regretted very much of the resulting fallout. Because of it, he was able to stand before her with the truth in his head and hope in his heart that he would meet his brother again, and alongside that a profound understanding of what she was going through.

The loss he had felt, the self-blame and the incessant way his mind had traced back over and over again to follow different paths forward, wondering what would have stopped it from happening, Olivia was experiencing all of that threefold. Saeyoung knew first-hand nothing he could say would take away her grief. What had helped was knowing he wasn’t alone, that people not only shared in his pain but helped him carry it. The words would help later, for now, Olivia needed to know he was there for her. Would always be there for her, even after her sorrow finally ebbed away. 

“I know,” he told her. “I understand. I really do.” 

She turned her head and absently nodded. 

“Olivia…” 

Her name seemed to float by her, unheard. She was staring off into the distance, lost somewhere not in the present. 

“Kitty,” he called softly, trying to find a way to bring her back to him. Saeyoung had shifted his weight forward to reach out and touch her but decided against it at the last second. Whether it was the movement or the endearment that caught her attention, Saeyoung didn’t care because her eyes sought his. 

“You’re not alone in this,” he told her. 

Years later he still wouldn’t be able to recall exactly how Olivia had ended up in his arms. Only that Saeyoung had been so overwhelmed it felt like the wind had been knocked out of him, so naturally, he told everyone she had attacked him. Everything else, however, was imprinted onto his mind with _absolute_ clarity. How she held onto him like a lifeline, and he held her tighter because of it. That she smelled like a bright, summer day. The way her breath, warm against his collarbone, eventually slowed and with it his heart rate. The moment was eternal and private and his, and Saeyoung would use it as a shield against the darker days.

After what could have been about five minutes or five hours Olivia shifted, resting more of her weight against him, and he said, “If you’re waiting for me to let go, that might never happen,” and he was totally sincere. 

“I’m ok with that,” she said with a sigh. “I didn’t want to go back in there anyway.”

“You don’t have to. At least not tonight,” Saeyoung added when she pulled back to frown up at him. Her eyes were ringed with circles of sleepless nights. “I came here straight from the airport, but knowing Jumin, the room he had Jaehee book for me will be more than accommodating for the both of us. I have food—” 

He blinked, then glanced down at it, vaguely remembering the crunch of takeout boxes hitting the concrete but not actually dropping it. “It’s sushi. I’m sure it still tastes fine.” 

Olivia exhaled in amusement, not enough to be considered laughter, but close, and Saeyoung felt his mouth pull into an involuntary smile. 

“We can hang out, you can catch up on sleep, and whenever you’re ready, we can come back here together.”

“Ok.”

Some part of him couldn’t really believe she had agreed to that so readily. “Ya?”

“Ya. Easy choice,” Olivia said, shrugging. “Just let me grab a couple of things and lock up.”

“Noooope,” Saeyoung insisted, refusing to let go when she tried to turn away. “You said you didn’t want to go back in there so you won’t. Tell me what you need. I’m sure I can find it all and the light switches.” 

Smoothing her hands down his front, Olivia smiled. Little crinkles sprung from the corners of her eyes. “My shoes are by the table just inside, and my phone and purse are on the sofa in the den.”

“Mission acquired, but first I need to talk to the driver and put my things in the car,” Saeyoung said as he leaned down to collect the takeout. Then, he just scooped Olivia into his arms, finding himself absolutely delighted by the surprised peal of laughter that escaped her.

“Thing… I feel like I should be offended.”

“But you’re my most precious thing. My kitty. My little, Livy kitty,” Saeyoung said, squishing her against him before beginning the short journey back up the drive.

“No,” she said, shaking her head. “I don’t like it.”

“See, you say that, but you look like you want me to call you that all the time, so I will.”

“I would expect nothing less from you.”

He winked then turned his attention to Mr. Farris who was already out of the vehicle and opening the back door. He had grey eyes, hair so blonde it was almost white and his clothes were very expensive and black. 

“Change of plans,” Saeyoung chirped. 

“To the hotel, Mr. Choi?”

“Mr. Choi,” Olivia murmured, smiling again. “How cute.” 

Setting his things onto the ground, Saeyoung tried, and failed, to scold her with his eyes. “Yes, to the hotel, but first, watch over my little Livy kitty a moment while I go collect some of her things.”

Olivia looked at him sidelong and said, “Meeeoow.”

It took everything in Saeyoung to keep his face straight, but he managed. “I know. It pains me to be away from you too, but be a good girl and just curl up on the seat here and wait for me,” he said, helping her in the car. “If you could turn on the heat for her I’d appreciate it.”

Briefly, Mr. Farris’ face screwed up in confusion, then he inclined his head. “The heat is already on, sir.”

“Perfect,” Saeyoung replied, clapping him on the shoulder. Then he jogged back to the house, grinning widely. Leaving the front door open he went straight to the second floor. Like the first, there was a short hall that led straight into a restroom with two doors on the left and one on the right. That last doorway was the only one on this floor emitting light, and he poked his head in instead of blindly feeling around for the switch. The room was precisely organized in such a way that it gave him pause. 

For the past few days, Olivia had been refusing video calls claiming she was busy and abruptly ending what conversations they did have after stating she had remembered something she needed to take care of. It wasn’t that Saeyoung had thought she was lying, it was just unlike her to be so… distant. The only other time Olivia had come close to behaving this way was when she had helped her mother with a charity event about a month ago. An unanswered request for a #sixfact was what had finally prompted Saeyoung to conduct a simple Noogle search to see if her mother was chairing another.

Instead, he learned Olivia’s parents and brother had lost their lives in a car accident almost four days ago. 

Just like then something in his chest shifted, a pressure that physically hurt, as he took in how she had been handling the loss. The furniture had been moved back toward the walls, an area rug was rolled up under the sofa, and twenty or so moving boxes were arranged in two groups. The largest collection of boxes were all marked  _ ‘to donate’  _ in her perfect block lettering, the other was considerably smaller and read  _ ‘for storage,’  _ and then there was one box sitting all by itself with her name on it. Saeyoung knew all too well what it was to wake up depressed every day and spend every waking second  _ working _ to prevent it from consuming him. 

He flicked off the light.

On the first floor, Saeyoung found much of the same, but mercifully the ground floor seemed mostly intact, just a few half-packed boxes here and there. Oddly enough it seemed she had been watching The Little Mermaid. The movie was paused, and on the low table in front of the sofa there was an open container of chocolates, an empty wine glass, and a partially dismantled gift basket. He wouldn’t have given it a second glance if it weren’t for seeing Zen’s face. It was on a DVD case, but it was still his face. He didn’t have to wonder who it was from. Prudie’s favorite tea, a bath bomb, face masks — the contents of the table was proof enough that his friends had sent it. 

Really, he shouldn’t have been surprised. Once Saeyoung had caved and told Jumin why he was leaving the country for an indeterminate amount of time, the CEO-in-line had insisted he use one of C&R’s private jets to expedite things. Jumin hid nothing from his fiancée, Ms. Prudence Owens, and this had her and Princess Chloe written all over it. No doubt C&R’s London version of Jaehee Kang had put this together if it beat Saeyoung here. Sighing, he turned off the TV, then jumped at an unexpected voice. 

“God7, I am glad you are here.”

At first glance, Robocat blended in with the fluffy white blanket on the couch. Saeyoung felt a tad bit better knowing he had been with her in some abstract way through this. 

“I am worried about Olivia,” it added. 

“Me too, buddy,” he said, swiping her phone, the open journal it was resting on and the nearby pen into her purse.

“Where is she?”

“I’m getting her out of here for tonight; you did good, now you can sleep meowy.”

Once Robocat shifted into sleep mode, he finished up and hurried back to Olivia. Saeyoung had been gone a few minutes, at most, and yet she looked miserable already. It suddenly struck him that Mr. Farris might have recognized Olivia; dragged her back down to earth by simply offering his condolences. After all, the accident had made front-page news in Cambridge and included a photo of the Lee’s together over the holidays. 

“Did something happen?” 

Olivia shook her head, finished putting on her shoes, then said, “How long will you be here?”

Saeyoung frowned at the question. “As long as I need to.”

“This isn’t going to go away in a few days or even weeks. You can’t stay here indefinitely.” 

“It’s not ever going to go away.” 

“I know,” she said, turning her head to look out the window.

He moved into the center seat, then threaded their fingers together. After a moment of silence that seemed to last far, far too long, he said, “But it’ll get better; become part of you. I didn’t plan on bringing this up so soon, but you could start over in Korea with me and with the RFA. The RFA was a small, homey place V made for me when I couldn’t have anything at all, but now, even after everything that’s happened, they're my family, and I know they’ll love you as much as I do.”

Her eyes locked onto his and there was a thoughtful frown on her brow. His cheeks heated. Time stretched again until she reached out to touch his jaw lightly with her fingertips. That was his only warning before Olivia leaned close and brushed his lips with hers— just barely as if asking for permission —and whispered: “I love you too.”

Saeyoung pulled her close and kissed her again. Her mouth felt so good against his, the promise of something unknown hovering around the edges. Olivia reached up to slide her fingers into his hair, gently opening her mouth to him. He obliged her, pressing his tongue into her mouth to taste her. Not the wine or the chocolate, but  _ her.  _ She tasted like home, like summertime.

He pulled away after a moment, heart hammering out of control, put his arms around her and stuck his face into her neck. He was not waiting for an answer, but he got one. Olivia nodded her head, bumping against his and he squeezed her tighter. 


	7. 707 Industries’ CEO Outlines Plan for Moon Exploration

**February 2019**

Olivia moved the stick into first gear and eased onto the gas pedal while releasing the clutch, then the car lurched forward. 

“Fuck,” she said, succinctly, and the redhead in the passenger’s seat snorted. Olivia gave her roommate, the RFA’s party coordinator, Chloe Pendleton, a sidelong look. 

“Don’t look at me, look at the road,” Chloe said, her copper hair shining in the early morning sun. “The  _ right _ side of the road.”

“Super helpful.” 

“I know, right?”

Then they both started laughing. Back in the UK, Olivia had gotten her driver’s license without any issue, and to date, had never received a traffic violation. Her skill set, however, was limited to certain parameters, like automatic transmissions and driving on the left side; which in her mind was the  _ right _ side of the road.

“God, I hate this,” Olivia said as the vehicle awkwardly jerked yet again when she shifted into second gear. “Why is there a stop sign in the middle of nowhere?” 

“Just to spite you, but you’re doing great.”

“Am I?” Olivia asked, her tone dry. She had only stalled out about a million times before they actually started making any real progress back home.

“Yeah! We’re still moving!” 

“I can’t believe I let you talk me into this. I feel so stupid.”

“You shouldn’t,” Chloe insisted. “Everyone struggles like this when they’re learning. Plus, hardly anyone lives out this way, so it’s not like we’re inconveniencing other drivers. Just start feeling for a place where you can sense a little resistance or vibration from the clutch, and then start making the switch. That should smooth things out.”

“Alright,” Olivia said. She ignored her phone as it began vibrating in the cup holder, but not the advice. The shift from second to third was still a little off, but she didn’t feel a jolt this time, just an odd coasting sensation for about two heartbeats before the vehicle began to accelerate again. 

“See! You’ve got this,” Chloe said, reaching for her thermos. 

“Sort of, I guess, but just to be safe, I won’t touch anything while you take a drink.”

Smiling, Chloe gently shook her head before taking a sip of tea. The daisy tattooed on the inside of her wrist peeked out from the sleeve of her olive green parka. Not only was it Chloe’s favorite flower, but a beautiful reminder of the grandmother that had raised her. She had passed away about nine months ago now, but in a way, Chloe still got to see her grandmother every day because of it. 

Olivia blinked through the sudden tears welling up in her vision.

“Do you want me to get that?” Chloe asked as Olivia’s mobile started humming against the plastic yet again. “Wait. Never mind. Are you ok?”

“I’m fine. It’s just,” Olivia began but broke off on a little, watery laugh. 

“Take your time,” Chloe said. 

Absently, Olivia nodded. It had only been about a month since her parents and brother passed away, but she would give anything to be able to think of them without feeling that emptiness inside her chest. She had to admit it was considerably more bearable, had been that way ever since Saeyoung showed up on her doorstep out of the blue and whisked her away to rest. They had been inseparable after that, and even though he had helped with far more than he should have had to, his presence had been an enormous comfort. 

There had been the funeral, and then several memorial services to get through on top of everything else. Mercifully, Jinho had a couple of roommates at his flat in London, so all Olivia and Saeyoung had needed to do there was collect his personal items, but her childhood home was another story. The property had been passed down for generations on her mother’s side, and as much as it pained Olivia, it was now hers. Not that she had wanted to get rid of it in the first place, someday she might want to go back, but stripping it bare to lease out to strangers had been more difficult than anticipated.

It had been a relief when everything was finally squared away, and they were able to depart for Korea together. On the flight, Olivia learned that Saeyoung had been hard at work taking care of her citizenship in his spare time. She still wasn’t sure if he handled it via hacking or had just pulled some strings to get it finalized so quickly, or maybe a combination of the two. Either way, thanks to him, she officially had dual citizenship, a quirky, diverse, and insanely welcoming support system, and a place to live.

All that was left was her driver’s license. 

Olivia shifted into fourth, then cleared her throat. “I just saw your tattoo and started thinking about my family. My dad was the one who taught me how to drive on back roads like this.”

Smiling slightly, Chloe screwed the cap back onto her thermos and set it down. “I’m sure he was a great teacher.”

“He was, in a lot of ways. I’m sorry.” 

“Don’t be sorry. You have every right to feel the way you do.” 

“I know. I just wish I would stop thinking about how much time I wasted focusing on the wrong things. It’s not like I can change anything,” Olivia said, then Chloe’s phone started ringing from the depths of her purse on the floorboard. “Do you need to get that?” 

“It can wait.”

“I just want to be where you are,” Olivia continued. “I want to eat blueberries and see red doors or listen to classical music without getting sad.”

“You’ll get there; do want to tell me about the blueberries?”

“It’s sort of my version of your daisy. Ever since I could remember, the four of us would all go to this farm north of Cambridge and pick blueberries. Like abnormal amounts of them so we could make enough jam to last us until the next season. I missed this last— Shit!” Olivia jumped, startled by her yPhone as it began blaring the lost device alarm. Apologetically, she glanced over at Chloe, who had a hand resting over her heart as she silenced the alert.

“Must have been Saeyoung. Oh, it was,” Chloe said, grinning down at the screen. “I’m going to answer this time.”

“Probably a good idea,” Olivia said.

She brushed her hair back, hand skimming along the grey fur lining her hood, then lifted the phone to her ear. “Hiya hey hey, it’s Chloe.” There followed a brief pause, then she snorted. “Give me a sec, and I’ll put you on speaker.”

“Olivia?”

“Hey, hon.”

A sigh. “You had me worried, why weren’t you picking up?”

“I’m driving,” she told him.

“I’m sorry, I’m pretty sure I just heard wrong.”

“You didn’t. She needs her license, so I’m teaching her how to drive a stick while she adjusts to driving on  _ the right side _ of the road,” Chloe said, and Olivia rolled her eyes. “Did you know you’re still listed in Olivia’s phone as ‘A Dumbass?’”

“I’ll—fix that later when I give her the phone I’ve been working on. It’ll be more secure and if Poppy gets to be in the chatroom, so does Olivia,” Saeyoung added decisively. “But don’t change the subject. You know I was going to take her driving this weekend.”

“You still can,” Chloe said. “It’s not like there’s a limit on how often she can drive.”

“Princess, are you trying to steal my kitty away from me?” 

“Steal?! You gave her to me!”

“Ya, to watch over and entertain from time to time. Not take her out on my dates.”

Chloe giggled. “We went grocery shopping, and the opportunity presented itself.” 

“Plus, what if the zombie apocalypse happens tomorrow and the only car I can find with the keys still in the ignition is a manual?” Olivia put it. “You don’t want me to die, do you?”

Chloe nodded sagely. “I’m going to teach her how to roller skate next just in case all she can find are roller skates.”

“Ok, fair, but—”

“THEN I’m going to take her to get a tattoo, that’s not another one of your date ideas, is it?”

“You are doing no such thing,” Saeyoung said in a rush. “God—I suddenly understand why Jumin used to get so upset with me over Elly—”

At the light tap on her arm, Olivia looked over at Chloe. Her friend wove her hand between them, then squeezed her eyes shut and mimed screaming. Grinning, Olivia nodded. During this silent exchange, Saeyoung kept right on rambling. 

“—maybe I should stop calling her Elly. I don’t want anyone calling you Livy. That’s only for me. But Elizabeth the 3rd just feels—so weird in my mouth; sort of like how Jumin hates the word Tripter and calls it the Blue Bird instead.—”

“Calm down, Saeyoung. I’m sure Jumin is used to it by now, but you don’t need to worry so much. No one is going to steal her away, and you gave her to me because I’m an awesome friend. Let me be an awesome friend. We’re almost home. She’s done—” Chloe broke off on a sudden scream, and Olivia joined in a half-second later. Then they both started laughing when Saeyoung began incoherently yelling things at them.

“Oh my God,” he said slowly. “I cannot believe you two. That was—not ok. I think I just had a heart attack. I came all the way out here to surprise you and—”

“You’re at the house?” Olivia asked, smile widening. 

“Ya, I have some news.”

“Good news, I hope.”

“Great news,” he said, and Olivia could hear the smile in his voice. Could almost see the white flash of his teeth once they emerged from the tree line. 

“Oooh! What is it?” Chloe asked. 

“I’m not telling you,” he said. “I’m mad at you.” Then the line went dead. 

Olivia exhaled in amusement as she parked the car. “I’m sure that’ll last long,” she said.

Chloe giggled and exchanged Olivia’s phone out for the car keys. “I don’t know. It might. He’s awfully protective of you.”

“It’s cute,” Olivia decided, grabbing her wallet before getting out of the car. When their gazes locked, one corner of Saeyoung’s mouth lifted; he slipped his mobile into the pocket of his jeans and pushed off of his vehicle. 

“I’ve missed you,” Saeyoung told her.

It had been three days since they last saw one another in person, but only a week since he had helped her move into one of the guest rooms in V’s two-story, glass house out on the coast. After waking up side by side for so long, the separation was definitely an adjustment. She and Saeyoung  _ worked.  _ They complimented each other, so different and yet similar; more whole together than they ever could be apart. It spoke of something that could last, something that Olivia could see keeping forever even as life and the world tried to wear them both away.

“I missed you too,” she said, then leaned up for a quick kiss, but Saeyoung slid his hands into her hair, holding her still so his mouth could linger on hers. 

Distantly, she recalled her intention to try to be mindful of open affection in front of Chloe, but it proved impossible for Olivia to deny either of them the indulgence. Chloe seemed the type of person who would rather be happy for them than feeling sorry for herself anyway; however, the situation with V couldn’t be easy for her. As far as Olivia was aware, their correspondence was limited to handwritten letters, which was sweet, but their relationship seemed to be indefinitely on hold. 

Olivia smoothed her hands down Saeyoung’s front. “So what’s this news?”

“I’d rather show you.” 

“Only if you bring her back before dark,” Chloe interjected, brow raised.

He covered Olivia’s ears. “You’ll be lucky if I ever bring her back. Tattoos. How dare you.” If it weren’t for his expression, the serious glint in his golden eyes, he could have passed it off as a joke.  

Smirking, Chloe winked at them, then disappeared into the house with an armful of grocery bags. 

Olivia slid her arms into his open coat to wrap them around him, and Saeyoung started to relax again. “I am sorry for making you think something horrible had happened.” 

“Nah,” he hummed, burying his face in her hair. His chest expanded in her arms, then he leaned back. “I’m starting to think Chloe is my penance for all of the pranks I’ve played on the RFA members over the years.” 

“Then we should probably help with the groceries before we leave.”

Saeyoung touched her cheek, briefly pressing his thumb to the corner of her mouth. “I’ll do it,” he said. 

She thought about insisting she help, but then tucked that thought away when he easily scooped up the several remaining bags. After shutting the trunk of V’s car, Olivia had just enough time to figure out how to work the scissor door of Saeyoung’s Kingbourghini and get situated inside before he was climbing into the driver’s seat.

The car rumbled, a deep, throaty murmur. 

“Are you ready?”

“I’m always ready for you,” she said. 

His cheeks tinted a slight pink. “Quit trying to give me a heart attack today.” 

Chuckling, Olivia turned her head. Dangling from the rearview mirror was the little spaceship she had made. It was white with grey accents, had orange flames shooting out of it, and ‘6&7’ was stitched into one of the three red fins. Her and Jinho had attended a week-long workshop in London as a half-assed joke to appease their mother’s wish that they spend some quality time together, and this was the result. 

The narwhal Jinho had made, which looked like a smiling blue blob with a horn, was in storage at Saeyoung’s warehouse, where ever that was. Maybe Olivia could retrieve it soon. She was learning how to bear her pain, let it become part of her, but for now, she had everything she needed to get by, including Saeyoung. 

She poked the rocket, making it sway. “Are we going to the moon?”

“More like mission control,” he said, grinning. “You’ll see.”

The sky was smeared with grey clouds, and as the road slipped past them, a few stray snowflakes landed on the windshield and melted away. For once, the silence that cropped up between them wasn’t as cozy as it usually was. Sure, it was still neutral, but there was a sense of something unsettled that made it seem off kilter. 

“Didn’t have to work today?” 

“I worked overnight. Couldn’t sleep.” Saeyoung placed his hand palm up on her thigh. Olivia had spent hours studying his hands. His fingers were long and tapered, articulated like those of a musician. She traced the lifeline in his palm with the pad of her thumb— back and forth, back and forth —then laced their fingers together.

“That great, huh?” 

“I think so.” 

Olivia hummed an intrigued sound but was content to wait and see. “So what was that about a new phone?”

“Oh! Well, ever since the world found out about me, all those weird dudes that were after me, were really after me. Don’t look so worried, Livy; it’s nothing dangerous,” he said when he noticed her slight frown. “No one would dare try to make me disappear now. It was just a pain in the ass keeping my servers secure from all the attacks there for a while.”

“And you want to protect me?”

He smiled crookedly. “Of course.”

For the remainder of the drive, he caught her up on it all. Why he never told her about any it in the first place, Olivia didn’t know. But she knew him, knew when he believed there was a real problem at hand, which Olivia could tell Saeyoung thought there might be one when he unraveled their fingers so he could downshift. 

“My next baby car will be automatic so I can hold your hand all the time while I drive,” he said, turning into an unmarked and unpaved drive to park. “And I can even leave the keys in the ignition, but you won’t have to worry about the zombie apocalypse on the moon.”

“No, I suppose I won’t,” she said, looking around. 

“We just have to build the rocket to get there.” 

The trees were leafless, and the grass was brown, but she could almost picture it, what their house would look like in the middle of this empty field.

“You want me to live here with you?”

“Of course, I do,” he replied. “The only reason I didn’t ask you to move in with me right away was because I didn’t want to take advantage of your loss like that.”

“You wouldn’t have,” she told him. “But thank you for being you.” 

A little, bashful smile tugged at his mouth, and Saeyoung looked away. 

“And thank you for wanting to go to the moon with me.”

“Olivia.”

“Hm?”

“I want so much with you.” But then he fell silent. His expression was open, and there was an entire story playing out behind his eyes; those beautiful, intelligent eyes. But something was holding him back, and she knew what it was. Olivia unbuckled her seatbelt so she could lean over, and warm lips pressed against hers.

“It’s the same for me,” she told him. “And we’ll do what we can until we find Saeran, ya?”

Grinning, he exhaled, and brushed his nose alongside hers as he nodded. Then his fingers sunk deeper into her hair as he grazed her lips again and again in slow, intimate strokes. There was no rush, not even when she opened her mouth into the kiss. The fact that Olivia got to have this, got to have Saeyoung, was enough. With him, she was content to stop measuring everything, and just _be._


	8. Thrusters Engaged **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It smut time yo.
> 
> Also, I hate myself so much for that title & I'm so sorry to you, you kind, innocent reader, for having to see it with your eyes.

Saeyoung made a small noise in the back of his throat and stirred. For one moment, Olivia considered letting him rouse, but with his head in her lap like this, he seemed at peace. It was a fragile sort of peace but peace all the same, and Olivia didn’t want it broken. To help him hold onto it, she merely reached down to card her fingers through his tousled hair, so soft it was almost silky, and smiled as he went still again. She enjoyed this closeness, found it just as soothing as he did. 

Olivia didn’t know when Saeyoung had fallen asleep, just realized at some point she was the only one paying attention to the movie. Which was fine. He had been up all night working, whether it was actual work for C&R or searching for Saeran, it didn’t matter; she was just glad to see him temporarily free of the stress he always carried. It was also nice to see that his house was more or less put together. 

After he had been freed from the agency, Saeyoung told her there was precisely one downside. That he still had to work with Vanderwood, or Stark as he went by now, but no longer got the built-in perk of having a maid. However, Olivia had to give Saeyoung credit. The place may not be tidy, but he was  _ trying. _

The bin was overfull, and some surfaces were covered with random clutter, but the kitchen was clean, and it smelled alright. Toss in the decor, and the bunker was definitely a man cave. Quite literally, since the windows had metal security shutters blocking out all traces of the outside world. Olivia was hardly disoriented though, her phone told her it was nearing dinner time. Even so, she was content to stay put and continue watching  _ Boltron  _ on Getflix. 

Saeyoung was very protective of not just her, but their relationship, so she had offered to cook when he asked her to lunch. Dining out in the UK was one thing, but quite another in Korea where the Prime Minister’s fall from grace was still at the forefront of the nation’s mind. Her suggestion had been met with a breathless grin and another trip to the grocery store. Then she had whipped up a brunch reminiscent of the ones her mother used to make, and really after how much they ate, it was no wonder he had passed out. Especially with the L-shaped sofa being lined with oversized, pillowy cushions. Tucked into the corner like she was, Olivia was seriously considering joining him in dreamland when she sneezed. 

Like full body sneezed. 

Nothing happened for a moment, then Saeyoung breathed out a small laugh. 

“I’m so sorry,” she told him, voice muffled by her hands.

“How cute,” he mused, rolling onto his back with a contented sort of look. Then he grinned. “Oh, I like those on you way more than I should.” 

Olivia pushed his glasses back up her nose. “I told you I wanted to try them on. I didn’t realize they weren’t prescription.”

Earlier, she had taken his glasses off just so he could be as comfortable as possible, and thought, why not? She had intended to take a selfie before settling them on top of her head for safekeeping, but since they wouldn’t affect her vision, she had kept them on to surprise him instead.

“The agency made me get corrective surgery years ago.” Saeyoung sat up, facing away from her, but she caught it, the regret on his face, and it hurt to see there. On the surface, it may seem trivial, but it was another part of who he was that had been stripped away; one more thing he couldn’t undo. 

Then Saeyoung shifted, so they were entirely face-to-face, touching again. They entered one another’s space so easily like it was as natural as breathing, and like air, she couldn’t live without it. 

“Wanna know why I still wear them?” he asked, smirking.

Olivia raised her brow. “Because they look damn good on you?”

“Bingo!”

Chuckling, she reached up to take them off but went still when he caught her by the wrist. 

“No, leave them,” he said, moving his hands to cradle her face. “Right now, I want—” 

Then his lips brushed hers in a familiar gentle way, practiced and automatic, and she melted into it. It was incredible how easy it was to get lost in this feeling, but then his tongue slipped into her mouth, and the kiss turned into a prelude to something more. Something they both wanted based on how Saeyoung pulled back to gaze at her like he wanted to drown himself inside her very soul.

Olivia swallowed, feeling her need for him burn bright in her chest. There had been others in the past; a handful of one-sided encounters that had either left her reeling or wholly unsatisfied. But for months now, she’d imagined what it’d be like to give herself to Saeyoung in the one way she never had with anyone else.

“You are so perfect. I want…” But again, he didn’t finish.

“Like I told you earlier,” she breathed back. “It’s the same for me.”

One of his hands had snuck under her shirt, and his grip was tight on her hip, but Saeyoung continued to just sit there, gaze searching. There was no way he could have missed the intent of what she had just said, but maybe he was still worried about taking advantage of her loss. 

She was ready to take that step, had been for a while. When the idea of visiting Saeyoung for Christmas had popped into her head, she got on birth control, a decision her mother had fully supported, just in case. It wasn’t anything to hide, nothing Olivia felt the need to be ashamed of, so when Saeyoung noticed she was taking medication daily and asked, she told him exactly what it was. In response, he had turned crimson red and abruptly changed the subject.

His reluctance to acknowledge the implications behind her decision had been endearing, and his insistence of sleeping on the sofa in the hotel room even more so. It had taken a few days of gentle encouraging, but eventually, he abandoned the uncomfortable piece of furniture to join her in the king-sized bed. But beyond that, Olivia had been content to leave it be. It hadn’t been the right time anyway. 

But now... 

Assuming Saeyoung was waiting for her to make the first move, she reached out to slide her fingers into his hair, tasting him, briefly, before telling him: “It was always going to be you.”

He let out a breath, and then suddenly he was kissing her like he had been holding back for far too long. Olivia pulled Saeyoung in until the weight of him was pressing her back into the cushion. Spending so much time together, so close yet not close enough had left her feeling incomplete, and it was a relief that he needed this just as badly. 

Eventually, the heat between them seemed to reach a boiling point, and Olivia moved her hands from his hair, running down the sides of his neck and across his shoulders, still not breaking the kiss. It was slow yet determined, possessive, and with her mouth so thoroughly occupied, she tugged at his shirt, trying to convey this was  _ not enough.  _

Saeyoung pulled back, keeping them pressed close but parting enough to be able to speak. “Livy, stay with me this weekend,” he coaxed, then briefly captured her lower lip with his teeth. “Stay with me every weekend. I miss you when you’re not around. I think about you all the time and—”

“Me too,” she admitted. “I’ll stay.” 

He smiled. “Let’s go to bed then.” 

“I’ll be disappointed if it doesn’t look like a race car.”

“Prepare to be disappointed,” he said, standing. “Perhaps in multiple ways.”

Despite herself, she laughed and accepted his outstretched hand. Once on her feet, he grabbed her ass and lifted. It seemed to take no effort whatsoever as he gathered her in his arms. She held onto shoulders, her legs comfortably wrapping around his waist as he turned to guide them towards his bedroom.

“Ah, Saeyoung,” she hummed, then stole another kiss. Gentle this time, and trusting. “I could never actually be disappointed with you.” 

A light flush appeared over the bridge of his nose and swept across his cheeks, but still, he smiled up at her as their positions put her face a little above his. As he approached the end of the bed, the sweet moment was suddenly broken. With his eyes fixated on hers, Saeyoung hadn’t been paying attention to where he was going, and his foot caught on the edge of a pile of clothes.

It threw him off balance and Olivia heard his startled yelp as he lost his footing, sending them toppling onto the bed. Their foreheads thumped together painfully, but Saeyoung caught himself with his arms and avoided squashing her completely. She could see the embarrassment frozen on his face, but there was no stopping the peal of laughter that ripped from her throat. For all of a second, he looked surprised by her reaction but then laughed too, rubbing the red spot on his forehead where their heads had knocked together. His cheeks flushing even deeper; however, that was possible.

“See? I warned you. I hope you were prepared for it.”

“I’m not disappointed,” she told him, leaning up and pressing a soft kiss to his lips. “The pillow cases look like checkered flags.”

Saeyoung exhaled in amusement, then tilted his head to get a better angle, and Olivia’s hands found their way under his shirt as he pressed their bodies together. The kiss was full of need and want and desire, and the heat between them quickly flared back to life. He ground down against her, and it was bliss as well as an incredible tease. Beneath her hands, she felt him shiver.

“Tell me what you want,” he said; his voice rough and his gaze dark. “I don’t have—”

“I don’t care. I just want you,” she told him. 

His fingers flexed, digging deeper into the skin of her hip, then bending down, he captured her mouth in another searing kiss. She returned the action with equal passion, gasping as he pressed himself harder into her. It wasn’t long before she reached for his belt. 

At the touch, he stood up, pulling the shirt over his head and dropping it aside. All of him was cut and lean, a body crafted by years of hardship and struggle. Olivia sat up, leaning forward to press her lips to his stomach and taking a moment to caress his hardness. Touching his body felt right, whereas it felt as if she’d been just going through the motions with anyone else. 

Saeyoung watched her attentively until she released the button on his jeans and slid the zipper open. Then he stroked her hair and gently took his glasses from her face to set them on the night table. Olivia removed her t-shirt and bra before hooking her fingers into his bottoms, and pushing them down. 

Briefly, Olivia took in this new part of him, this part she had only dreamed of knowing. It was just as beautiful as the rest of him, and her fingertips followed the trail of hair leading down from his navel. He shivered again, and a shuddering sigh escaped him as her touch deviated at the last second to take his hand. She moved them into the middle of the bed.

The shutters were open in this room, and when Saeyoung crawled over her, the warm, golden rays illuminated his features. Without hesitation, he ducked his head to press kisses down her neck and past her collarbone until his hot breath was millimeters from her breast. She forgot to breathe in the following pause. A tingle of anticipation shot up her spine.

Then his lips grazed her nipple, and she gasped. Instantly, he closed his lips around the sensitive peak and sucked. His hands were not idle either, fingers skimming down her sides and over her stomach, stroking the very tips of his fingers over her other nipple. It was as if he couldn’t possibly touch her enough.

She understood. Olivia felt as though she couldn’t possibly touch him enough either. She ran her fingers through his hair and over his shoulders, followed the sharp lines of his jaw to feel his mouth pay her reverence. 

She was getting more wound up by the second, and he hadn’t even touched her below her waist yet. As if reading her thoughts, he pressed a kiss to her navel, before tugging her leggings and panties away with a gentle swift movement. Then he put his open mouth back over her nipple, followed by a touch to her little bundle of nerves. 

She murmured his name, and he groaned. 

Cautiously, he stroked one finger over her opening, and she automatically spread wider for him. His fingertips caressed and explored, being almost assiduous about how he familiarized himself with her body. Then he began pressing firm circles around the little nub. Her eyes squeezed shut as the waves of pleasure threatened to drown her.

Then his cock nudged her thigh, and suddenly his mouth was on hers again. Olivia felt him shift, felt him threaten to breach her, then he pulled back to hover over her. Her heart raced, and heat pooled low in her stomach while visions of what was to come swirled through her head a split-second before it happened.

It wasn’t easy; her body wasn’t used to it. She breathed through it until Saeyoung was all the way inside, and their hips slotted perfectly together. Everything seemed to click as if the universe shifted into place around them. Olivia closed her eyes, savoring that moment, knowing he’d wait, that he, too, needed time to adjust.

Then he pulled out slowly and pushed back in, and she moaned. The pain was a dying ache, and now it felt like her nerves were being set on fire. Pleasure surged with every move he made. 

Eventually, Olivia realized his face was buried in the crook of her neck, and he was pressing words into her skin. She slid her fingers into his hair, encouraging his lips to hers. 

“I’m the only one who’s ever been inside you. Made you feel like this,” Saeyoung told her, and the tension built at his words, bringing her so close, just almost, then his hand slid between them and he pressed a thumb to her clit, and stars exploded behind her eyelids.

“You’re my one and only too.” 

Everything was too much and yet perfect at the same time, and she could do nothing but ride out the overwhelming sensation and let him take his pleasure from her body. It didn’t take long before he came too, and when he stilled, she opened her eyes. Saeyoung was still on top of her, his breathing slightly uneven and labored.

“You are nothing I ever expected from life. What did I ever do to deserve you?” he asked with a softness in his tone that was slightly laced with sadness. 

“You exist; that’s more than enough.”

Shaking his head, he took his weight off of her and pulled her on top of him. She reached for him, linking their fingers together. His chest rose and fell beneath her ear, and Olivia could hear the faint thud of his heartbeat slow. The sound was peaceful; she almost let it lull her to sleep before a sudden thought stopped her, and she startled, sitting up.

“What’s wrong?” Saeyoung asked as she looked around quickly, eyes finally landing on the pile of discarded clothes that were scattered across the floor.

“Your phone. If I’m staying I need to call Chloe,” she said, wishing she didn’t have to move but knowing she had to.

“Oh, wait! New phone, hang on. I’ll be right back,” he said, already on his way out of the room, still nude. Bemused, Olivia slipped out of bed and headed the opposite direction to what she hoped was a bathroom to clean up. Luckily, it was. 

When he joined her back in bed ten minutes later, Olivia snuggled up and rested her head on his shoulder. The closeness was warm and familiar and yet different at the same time. It felt like something had changed between them, elusive but there all the same. The next thing she noticed was her new phone case was red and had a picture of his glasses on the back with a sparkle in the corner and a cartoon smile under it. 

“How cute.”

“I already moved your contacts over, but it looks like Chloe is in the chatroom if you want to take a looksie at my greatest creation.”

“I don’t know,” she said, launching the unfamiliar app. “I think Robocat is pretty awesome.”

_ —Olivia has entered the chatroom— _

_ —Saeyoung has entered the chatroom— _

_ [Chloe] Olivia! _

_ [Olivia] Chloe! _

_ [Jumin] Hiya  _

_ [Zen] omg welcome Olivia! _

_ [Olivia] I feel so loved. _

_ [Olivia]  _

_ [Olivia] Wait. Why do I have your emojis Sae?  _

_ [Saeyoung] 2 remind u that u r  _

_ [Saeyoung]  _ **_Stuck with me forever_ **

Somehow, he had sent that last message in a big, sparkly pink cloud that had the same little pair of glasses that was on her mobile case. Olivia snorted, delighted by the detail and pressed a quick kiss to his chest.

_ [Olivia]  _

_ [Saeyoung]  _

_ [Saeyoung]  _

_ [Zen] Omg. Please stop.  _

_ [Saeyoung]  _

_ [Saeyoung] I can’t. I’m just so happy. _

_ [Olivia]  _

_ [Zen]  _

_ [Olivia] Anyway! Chloe! I’m going to stay the weekend here.  _

_ [Zen] Here? Where is here? _

_ [Chloe] At Saeyoung’s  _

_ [Zen] What? No. That’s not ok. _

_ [Zen] Aren’t you guys moving too fast? _

_ [Saeyoung] Me? Jumin married Poppy after barely two months. _

_ [Chloe] Awwww and they’re so adorable. _

_ [Saeyoung] Plus, we need to go buy a pillow in the morning.  _

_ [Jumin] I can recommend you several stores. _

_ [Jumin]  _

_ —Zen has left the chatroom— _

Sitting up, Olivia frowned, even as Saeyoung laughed so hard he seemed to have trouble breathing. “Why did he leave like that?” she asked.

“Because I mentioned The Pillow.”

“What’s that?”

He shook his head. “I’d tell you it’s an urban legend, but Chloe has seen it and survived to tell the tale.”

Olivia was still very confused, but he didn't seem able to elaborate at the moment. Part of her wanted to ask Jumin, but something about Zen's reaction held her back.

_ [Chloe] LOLOLOLOLOL _

_ [Chloe] I wish you luck finding the perfect one. One with cats in spaceships on it. _

_ [Jumin] How peculiar, but I can respect that people have different tastes. Olivia is not Poppy, after all. Something like that might suit her better.  _

Olivia lowered her phone again. “Seriously, what is The Pillow?”

Saeyoung wiped the tears of joy from his eyes with his thumb and cleared his throat. “Poppy and Jumin are into some kinky stuff, but nobody knows exactly what The Pillow is for. Just that it’s small and ominous.”

Well, that was probably more than she needed to know about her new friends at the moment. 

_ [Chloe] You’re right; people do have different tastes.  _

_ [Chloe] Which is why, when OLIVIA decides she’s ready to get that tattoo, we will.  _

_ [Saeyoung] Ack. No! _

_ [Chloe] Ack. Yes! _

_ [Chloe] See you Sunday, Olivia, and you’re not leaving again until after girls night.  _

"Olivia?" Saeyoung called, sounding serious.

"Yes?"

There was silence between them for a long moment, but it was not a tense, uncomfortable silence. It was simply quiet and reflective, so she let it continue.

His gaze turned questioning. “Do you want that? A tattoo, I mean.”

“I want what hers represents, but it’s not something I’ve decided on getting. Plus, if you’re against it, that matters to me.”

“Your happiness is what matters to me.”

“Likewise,” she said. “And I am happy. Are you?”

Saeyoung smiled then, the flecks of gold in his amber eyes dancing in the sunlight streaming into the room, and Olivia smiled back reflexively.

“More than I ever thought possible.”


	9. Streetlights on Mars

**June 2019**

Saeyoung liked to solve problems. Sometimes it was the challenge offered or the simple fact the outcome would improve someone’s day. At least, that was what he told everyone, and it was the truth, the absolute truth. It just did not fully encompass what influenced this behavior at times. His troubles seemed less troubling when Saeyoung could see the effect he had on the world around him. On a bad day, it kept him going, reduced the noise in his head to a whisper. 

Not that long ago, Olivia had complained in passing to Saeyoung that she missed rowing. It was just something else that had been a part of her life for so long until it simply wasn’t. During their next weekend together, he had woken her up at the crack of dawn to drag her down to the Han River where Rowing Korea had their bi-weekly meetups. 

He had spent the next hour working remotely in the boathouse while Olivia reveled in being on the water again. The morning air had blown over her face, cool and sharp, spurring her on; sunlight had sparkled on the disturbed water. It had felt like coming home, really, and when she had rushed inside to thank him again, there had been tears in her eyes. Olivia wished she could give Saeyoung that; help him find that sense of home he missed so much. Especially today on the twins’ birthday where Saeran’s absence was so  _ loud. _

As such, it had not been a surprise when Olivia got off the water and found a message from Saeyoung stating he was headed to the secluded B&B early. The news had been delivered in his usual playful manner, but what it all boiled down to was the worst of it was a private pain. One he wasn’t ready to share with her in its entirety, and Olivia could understand that. Saeyoung had carried it alone for so long, he probably did not know how to. All she could do was be there for him in whatever way she could. Even if that amounted to giving him space. 

And so she had until Chloe had said  _ he’s waiting for you, you know, at the observatory,  _ then Olivia had rushed out the door. It was a long drive, about forty minutes from V’s house, yet she found little reason to be annoyed with the lack of direct communication. It allowed her to stop for his final gift and have Saeyoung be none the wiser there was any further delay on her end. 

At dusk, when she arrived, the setting sun beamed hazy light through the trees, creating dappled shadows on the hood of her vehicle. Out in the clearing, Saeyoung was lying on a blanket with his hands folded behind his head. There was a telescope beside him and perhaps a picnic basket, Olivia couldn’t be sure at her distance. She looked up at the white dome of the observatory rising up into the sky and caught her reflection in the rearview mirror. 

After work, she’d had an early dinner with Chloe, then fallen asleep on the sofa. Olivia had not been awake enough to make sure she was put together right before leaving. There were smudges under her eyes. Which made her sort of look like that raccoon dog Jumin had been comparing Saeyoung to in the chat logs. She brought her hair forward over her shoulder to comb her fingers through it a time or two. Then as she was digging out a makeup removal wipe from the depths of her overnight bag, her phone chimed.

_ [mah duck] whatchu still doin way over there my cute little kitty? _

_ [Olivia] I am having an identity crisis. _

Suddenly, Saeyoung sat up, and it was kind of adorable, the way he took that so seriously. 

_ [Olivia] Hiss. No. Don’t come. I’m not ready. _

_ [mah duck] _

_ [mah duck] Okie. I’m gonna go back to being a rock, and wait until u come find me. _

It did not take much longer for Olivia to finish freshening up. Within seconds, she was slipping out of the car and on her way over to her favorite rock. He was leaning back on his elbows, wearing jeans and a pale yellow t-shirt with a cartoon ghost on it. A light breeze ruffled his hair, and Olivia shivered. 

“Happy birthday,” she told him, finally acknowledging the occasion for the first time that Tuesday. 

A light flush of color appeared across Saeyoung’s cheeks, and he turned his head aside. “Thank you,” he said. 

Olivia sat facing him and tucked her legs underneath herself. Despite how one of them was probably slowly melting, she set his gifts aside off in the grass. This was all so difficult for Saeyoung, and she didn’t want to push. Tipping her head back, Olivia gazed at the sky above them. The sun was finally dipping below the horizon, leaving behind a masterpiece of light and color. 

Then warm fingers slid loosely around her wrist, and Olivia found Saeyoung staring at her. For a moment, she was unable to identify the change in him. The only way Olivia could think to describe it was he looked at her as if he couldn't believe that she was real, that the woman before him was made of flesh and blood. 

“Livy… how are you so cold?” 

Her sundress was strapless, loose and flowing; perfect for a summer evening, but not for how she had been blasting her AC all the way there. 

“I stopped for ice cream sandwiches at Scoops Ahoy on the way out of the city, but since I forgot my little cooler, I had to make do,” Olivia said, shrugging a shoulder. 

Saeyoung grinned, a gleaming smile. “You froze all the way here for me?”

“I did.”

“I guess the least I could do is warm you back up.” 

Olivia smiled her approval, then laid flat as he shifted to move his body over hers. The closeness was welcome, and she sighed without meaning to. At that, Saeyoung didn’t smile, not exactly, and there was something in his gaze that made her heart twinge. She wanted to ask him to confide to her but also wanted to spare him the necessity of even thinking on it any more than he already had. And so they did not speak for what felt like hours, simply soaking in one another. 

Errantly, she thought of the day they had met. He had seen her, she had seen him, and they had fallen hopelessly into one another’s orbit. It was a pale description of how Olivia had actually felt when she had found herself pinned by his stare. Her first thought had been that his eyes were so  _ bright,  _ then a split-second later Olivia had slowed her stride almost automatically. The rest of it, what did it matter, really? 

They had fallen in love from afar, and then it had almost ended before it could truly begin. Getting past that hadn’t been simple, but it was what she had wanted. She had wanted him with all his hesitance and shyness and faults, all those imperfections that made him perfect. That made them perfect. What they shared was real and living yet soft and sweet; a thousand moments that left her ideally and contentedly at balance, and she hoped he felt it too in some capacity. 

“I managed to convince one of the crew members to sell me their hat,” she told him suddenly. 

“Oh em gee! Yes,” Saeyoung said, shifting to hold himself up on one forearm so he could fish it out from between the packages. Then without further ado, he crammed the sailor’s hat onto his head. “Ok, I’m ready now.” 

Olivia couldn’t help the smile that broke out across her face at how cute he looked. “Ready for what?” 

His hand rose to her face to smooth away a few stray hairs. “To ask you to marry me,” he said so quietly she could barely hear it, and Olivia shook her head in disbelief. Looking askance, he drew in a breath, and she wanted nothing more than to erase that moment from his memory because she could see the wounded look in his eyes, something haunted and betrayed. 

“Wait! I did not mean no. That is not my answer,” she insisted. There was an urgency to her words, a desperation as she practically begged him to believe her. Olivia could see it in his eyes, could feel it too the way all the tension in his body left him, and it seemed to bring them closer together. 

“Of course, I’ll marry you,” Olivia said in a rush, then laughed, and Saeyoung laughed too. The sound was low and quiet, but happy all the same. 

“Livy…” he breathed, but before he could say anything else, Olivia leaned up and pressed her lips to Saeyoung’s. The contact was short, just a gentle brush of skin on skin. 

“Did you really think I’d say no?”

Saeyoung pulled back, and his eyes, a warm amber color flecked with gold and umber, seemed to glint in the final rays of sunlight. “I don’t know. Some days it's like the universe lets me float up into the clouds to enjoy the view, only to slam me back down to earth and rub my face in the dirt the next, so yeah, I did worry about that. And then because of Saeran—”

“Hey, what is going on in here?” Olivia asked as she cradled his head in her hands for emphasis. “You know we are on the same page when it comes to him.” 

“But you shouldn’t have to wait for me. You deserve to get everything you want.” 

“So do you.” 

Absently, Saeyoung nodded his head, and she moved her hand to his cheek, felt the jut of cheekbone with the pad of her thumb. “It will all turn out,” he said earnestly. “This is just the start.”

“No, it isn’t,” Olivia said. “We’re already somewhere in the stars, even if we don’t know where we are.”

There were the beginnings of tears in his eyes, but Saeyoung was smiling too. Then he was pressing his lips to hers once more in a kiss that was sweet and soft, yet very, very thorough. Without intending to, Olivia knocked the stupid hat off of his head as she buried her fingers into his hair. He swatted it away from her face and continued to kiss her as if he wanted to breathe for her or through her. It was beautiful and left her feeling unbalanced and balanced simultaneously when he pulled away. 

“You’re right,” were the first words out of his mouth, then he added, “I should never doubt this, and I’m sorry I keep doing it.”

“You do not doubt this,” Olivia said, eager to soothe. “You doubt yourself, and as much as I hate it, it’s just something that you do.” 

“Like calling you Livy?” Saeyoung asked, the ghost of smugness on his mouth as he put the hat back on.  _ Ahoy,  _ it read in blue, curvy block lettering, and Olivia grinned. He really was a very handsome person, but it was the beauty of his soul, the way he smiled and laughed and was kind to everyone that was the most captivating. 

“Nah, I’ve always loved that.” 

“I knew it,” he said, giving her a quick peck on the lips before pushing himself off her. Despite how she missed the feel of the solid length of his body against hers, Olivia let him help her upright. 

The little box from Scoops Ahoy had been knocked off center when Saeyoung plucked the hat out from beneath it. It was balancing precariously on the edge of his shoebox of gifts, and Olivia picked it up to check on how the desserts were faring. 

“Hey hon, we should probably eat these. They’re looking—a little sad,” she told him, frowning down at the partially misshapen sandwiches. The N&N cookie on top of one was sliding off, and the other had ice cream seeping out the side. 

“It can wait,” he replied decisively. Then the box was out of her hands, and Olivia was given a couple of pages stapled together. She felt her eyebrows lift in surprise as she began reading.

> _ This contract is an agreement between the astronauts Six and Seven, the gracious defenders of our universe, to outline the conditions and responsibilities of each astronaut as they journey through space. It will help to ensure that both astronauts understand one another’s needs and expectations and to help prevent any conflicts or misunderstandings that may arise on such a difficult mission. Once signed and notarized, each astronaut will receive a copy of this agreement, and the original will be kept under the care of the C&R Director, Mr. Jumin Han.  _

Olivia laughed, covering her mouth to try and stifle the sudden noise but failing miserably. “How in the world did you get Jumin to help you with this?”

“Oh my God, he was so pissed. You should have seen it,” Saeyoung told her, laughing. “I had to buy the rings, both of them, to prove I was serious before he would even consider it.”

“Dammit! You’re never going to let me pay for anything, are you?”

Saeyoung smiled, all lopsided and adorable. “I mean in every practical sense, once you sign that, what’s mine is yours and vice versa, so does it really matter?”

She frowned then. Not only did Saeyoung’s current home seem extravagant, but the one currently under construction was considerably more so. Plus, Olivia still couldn’t quite wrap her head around him owning more than one supercar even though she saw them every weekend lined up all prettily in his garage. It wasn’t that she was poor, far from it, especially after being the sole inheritor of her family’s combined assets, but Olivia rarely needed to spend money on anything. V covered all of the expenses to his home from abroad, so she and Chloe split the cost of groceries. And outside of the single scull Olivia had purchased several weeks ago, which she had only managed to pay for because she did it while on shift at the boathouse, most of her funds were sitting in savings collecting interest.

All because there was Saeyoung, trying to give her the world. 

“It does to me,” she said. “You do so much for me, and I appreciate it all, but sometimes I want to give you things too.” 

“Olivia, you are the only one who sees me, who has ever seen me. Not what I have or who my father is but just me, just Saeyoung,” he said, taking her left hand in his. The faint pink tint to his cheeks rapidly darkened as he did so. “You've always made my life brighter just by being in it.” 

He slid the ring on her finger. It was a trillion cut diamond with a thin yellow gold band, stunning in its simplicity. 

“You are the greatest gift,” Saeyoung told her. 

When she looked up again, her vision blurred from the tears that were welling in her eyes, but she didn’t care. “Well, when you put it like that I guess I can let it slide.”

He laughed, the sound a little watery. “Right? It should be in a movie. Maybe I should write a script.” 

“I’m sure it’ll be a blockbuster.” 

His smile faded into something softer as his gaze dropped to the ring. Saeyoung ran his thumb over the setting. “I’m so happy that this is real. Even if it’s not.”

“It is, or it will be as soon as you give me a pen.” 

For a second, Saeyoung did nothing but stare at her. Then, before Olivia even had time to think, he was squishing her against him. 

“I love you,” he breathed. 

“I love you too.” 

After a while, they broke apart, and Saeyoung laid back down, expression open and happy, while she read the contract in its entirety. It was amusing and sweet, and Olivia could tell he put a ton of effort into it, which had probably annoyed Jumin to no end. 

Once her signature was alongside Saeyoung’s, and his band settled onto his finger, Olivia curled up alongside him to watch the streetlights on Mars light up. Everything was peaceful and still. The only sound was the crickets chirping until Saeyoung spoke again, the words were soft and full of wonder.

“We’re already there.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1) The title is from a song on my playlist [by Jackson Penn](https://open.spotify.com/track/57waeauCsihehcGXgZQMar?si=NKeaPJopTpKyX8lSiPjFWg) that was PERFECT inspiration for this chapter. 😭 😭 😭 I swear to god, I love these two more than a normal person should love a fictional couple.
> 
> 2) ;lJFAL;KSDJFLKSJ I ALSO LOVE STRANGER THINGS MORE THAN A NORMAL PERSON SHOULD & I just had to use Scoops Ahoy because it looks soooo much like someplace Saeyoung would enjoy. Plus imagining him in that hat brought me endless joy as I wrote this, especially when he was being all serious and gooey. 😹 😻
> 
> Also, for anyone curious, the reference I used for Olivia's ring can be found [here](https://drive.google.com/file/d/16_s_g2y0-MGT20ZaHvY1IJI4ydyP0cPJ/view?usp=sharing) on my google drive.


	10. Press Reset **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long, unintentional hiatus on this fic... I love these two, I really do, but I hit a low point (depression is a bitch) and had to temporarily abandon it so I wouldn't insert large amounts of angst into something that shouldn't have it. 
> 
> While I was away I started a Spy AU for these two & most recently a fictober drabble collection to get back in touch with this pairing [parts 11 & 12 of the 606|707 series respectively] as well as writing a RFA smutfest with one of my good friends in which CH1 ties back to this fic (this can be found [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19819918/chapters/46928746) for anyone interested)
> 
> Also, I went back and added months/years to the chapters where time is moving to help keep it all straight for myself & for everyone reading. (I also did this in Horizons & WTRFAIRDCK since it's the same universe/timeline).

**OCTOBER 2019**

“When and where do I need to be?” Olivia asked, both to give Saeyoung an easy end to the conversation and as a way to let him know she would attend whatever function it was this time. 

“I’m here to pick you up. I promised I’d get everything in the calendar, and I didn’t. So, this is the least I could do.”

Olivia set her jaw, feeling irritated. “Alright.”

“I love you,” Saeyoung told her. 

“I love you too.”

There were a few seconds of silence as she waited to see if he had anything else to say. Then the call disconnected, and Olivia wanted to kick herself. The last thing in the world she wanted to do was cause him more stress. 

She had no desire to deny him; she never did, and he knew that. Unfortunately, with the anniversary of Mint Eye’s destruction drawing ever closer, it was a fact Saeyoung was willing to take full advantage of. Burying them both in work as Olivia fell back into old habits herself to cope. 

He had launched SevenStar Energy in late August with astounding success thanks to his preexisting fame. But then the news that the young, handsome, and elusive entrepreneur was not only seeing someone but ‘officially’ off the market was strategically leaked; finally giving credence to the rumors circulating about the ring he wore. As a result, interest in the couple, and sales, had sky-rocketed, leaving Olivia and Saeyoung making a horrendous amount of public appearances.

On the surface, it seemed excessive for an energy drink. However, Saeyoung’s actual goal was to get the partnering nonprofit organization he had founded, StarBound, as much exposure as possible in the process. 

Through purchases, StarBound helped improve the lives of abused and neglected children. It provided a range of services such as clothing, glasses, therapy, and other mental health services, which included a specialized education program designed to integrate severely traumatized children back into society.

Olivia was proud of him. Why wouldn’t she be? But she missed him.

She wanted to help his lips remember the shape of a real smile, to touch him, to feel the hint of stubble on his jaw under her fingertips as she kissed him. She wanted his beautiful hands on her instead of trying to remember what it felt like. But when Olivia climbed into his new gunmetal grey, four-door Astin Marton, she simply carried on as usual because she couldn’t see how to do that and didn’t understand why it had stopped.

As Saeyoung backed the car up, she took advantage of the opportunity to admire him. The sharp lines of his jaw, his perfectly imperfect red hair, the pale skin of his throat disappearing into his clothing, a black t-shirt paired with a grey plaid sports coat and jeans. He looked good. Tired, but good.

“Sorry for making you wait,” she said. “It took me a few minutes to get to a stopping point with the menu I was working on.”

Saeyoung furrowed his eyebrows and then quirked one up. “I inconvenience you again, and yet you’re worried about how long I had to wait to do so?”

Olivia noncommittally twitched a shoulder.

“I could have waited longer if I needed to,” he said. 

“It wasn’t necessary.”

Absently, Saeyoung nodded. 

Olivia fished her phone out of her purse to text Chloe. Odds were she hadn’t been informed of the sudden change in Olivia’s plans. Chloe would presumably not care; however, Olivia tried to be mindful when she got caught up at work late or when Saeyoung was in the mood to sporadically steal some time alone with her. Not that the latter had happened in a couple of weeks. 

_ [Olivia] I’ll miss dinner. There is another event tonight.  _

_ [Chloe] It’s fine. Saeyoung told me.  _

_ [Olivia] At least he told someone.  _

_ [Chloe] Cheer up! You’ll have fun! _

_ [Olivia] I’m sure. _

“Is everything alright?” Saeyoung asked, his voice suspiciously casual. 

She locked her phone and dropped it back into her bag. “Of course,” she lied. “I was just telling Chloe I’d miss dinner.”

“Perhaps with her, but I’ll be sure to feed you.”

That was a relief. It had been a long day at work, and she was starving. Some of these affairs only had light hors d'oeuvres, then Olivia ended up buzzed off of a single flute of champagne and raiding the refrigerator at nearly midnight when she got home. 

“Where are we off to?”

The corner of his mouth twitched. “A small restaurant just west of downtown.”

“Oh,” she said, confused by the indirect answer. “Well, thank you for picking me up.” 

Saeyoung nodded again. 

The conversation was painfully stilted. He seemed distracted and kept glancing towards the clock. It was almost 6:00; they were probably running late. 

She stopped talking and just gnawed on her bottom lip. The following silence felt unnatural and anxiety-inducing. She was suddenly thankful they had been meeting at these events to accommodate their schedules. It turned out it was easier to pretend everything was fine that way. 

Olivia glanced over at Saeyoung and froze when she unexpectedly found him frowning at her. But he quickly returned his eyes to the road. She followed suit, wondering if Poppy and Jumin or even Zen would at least be in attendance. They frequently came to these events if only to lend their own fame to the cause. At least then, Olivia would have someone to talk to when she found herself bored with making the rounds. 

Then, she was wrenched away from her thoughts when her left hand was picked up, and long fingers tentatively entwined with hers. Olivia felt Saeyoung’s thumb brush across her knuckles and slide over her engagement band. It was unnecessary, but it spoke volumes. 

It was perfect.

Her eyes burned, so she chose to only squeeze his hand in response, and Saeyoung released a slow breath, grip tightening in return.

“You look lovely,” he murmured after they drove in silence for several more minutes. 

She blinked, then looked down at herself. Olivia had on a white dress with a purple blazer and the open circle pendant necklace that Saeyoung had given her for her 22nd birthday. Most days, she wore jeans and a polo or half-zip hoodie with the boathouse’s logo on it. However, since Olivia had been the point of contact for today’s client, she had dressed up. 

“Thank you,” she said, offering him a wan smile. “I guess it was a good thing I had a lunch event to coordinate after my student this morning.”

His expression flickered. “This won’t take all night unless you want it to. I promise.” 

“Ok,” she said with a sigh, relaxing a little more into his company. Into how they used to be. 

“How many students are you up to now?” he asked, grimacing slightly. 

“Still just the two. I told them I won’t take any more than that.” 

Rowing was something she enjoyed, an escape from it all. Olivia had no interest in turning it into a career. She had only agreed to coach at all because they assigned her master’s level students, which amounted to helping them perfect their technique and improve their times. 

As it was, the part-time job took up exactly one hour of her mornings on Monday through Thursday, allowing her enough time afterward to go for a solo scull herself. Then she’d shower in the locker rooms before heading to her office. 

“I appreciate you asking about it, but there isn’t much going on in my world that you’ve been missing out on,” she told him. Olivia had meant it to be reassuring, but for a split-second, Saeyoung looked like she had gutted him. 

_ It doesn’t have to be my world… it could be ours.  _

Olivia’s hold on his hand tightened, instantly regretful. “Wait— I didn’t mean—“ 

“I know,” Saeyoung said, then he squeezed her hand again before releasing it to pull into an angled parking spot on the street itself. He turned off the car and ran a hand through his hair. 

“But even if you did, I’d deserve it. I know things haven’t been—great lately, and I’m sorry. I thought it was just me. That I was just depressed. And that it’d eventually pass like it always does. But when I woke up alone the other day and realized it was a Sunday, it finally occurred to me that I’ve been using what we’ve built together in a way that’s been destroying it.” He smiled wistfully. “I—love that you’ve tried to stay by my side despite that, and I’m sorry it took me longer than it should have to remember it wasn’t all bad. That if it had never happened, I probably never would have met you.”  

Olivia stared at him for a moment, and then tears welled up in her eyes. His eyes widened.

“Oh God, Livy,” he said hastily. “Don’t cry.”

“Sorry,” she said, reaching up to wipe away the tears. “I’m sorry I’m tied up in all that.” 

“No. Don’t be sorry. I’m just—I’m trying to fix this. Not make it worse.”

She nodded, but her mouth twisted. “Do we have to go to this? Can we just—do that instead? Fix it?”

“It’s not what you think,” Saeyoung said. “I probably should have just told you, but I wanted to surprise you. I thought it’d help. I made us a reservation at Cafe Nova. I had always intended to redeem my raincheck on our anniversary, and by some benevolence of fate, I didn't miss the opportunity.” 

“I don’t understand,” Olivia admitted. “I thought we made it official on Christmas.”

“We did. But today is the anniversary of the day I met you, the day that everything changed and lead us here. It’s the day that matters most to me.” 

“Ok,” she managed, her cheekbones aching from the effort it took not to cry some more. “I can agree with that.”

“Good,” he said, looking relieved, then abruptly got out of the car. 

As soon as Olivia followed after him, Saeyoung was there, pulling her tightly into his arms.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” He turned her face upwards so he could look at her. His hands were warm against her skin as he studied her eyes. 

“I know,” she said quietly, giving him a small smile that he returned. Then Saeyoung took her hand, and led her to the rooftop. 

Olivia wasn’t surprised to find herself at the same table, eating the same meal and watching the same orange-red sun sink closer to the horizon as she had almost a year ago. It was familiar, so familiar, and yet different all the same because Saeyoung was with her. A simple romantic gesture done with no other intention than to spend time alone with Olivia, to make her feel loved and cherished.

Throughout, Saeyoung was more than a tad reserved, but outside of the time he had cut her off, they haven’t had to work at their relationship. They fit so effortlessly together. Olivia tried to make it apparent that she had already forgiven him, that she understood why it had happened without saying any of it outright. But he was always the hardest on himself. 

She left him alone about it. The only way to help Saeyoung get past it would be to do what she always did and be there for him. Remind him that it didn’t have to be perfect because it was real and it was theirs. 

When they got back to the car, he asked her to stay the night. Of course, she readily agreed, but his shoulders dropped as though he’d been braced against her answer. Then Saeyoung extended his hand, and she took it. 

Their fingers remained entwined for the duration of the drive. Saeyoung only let go to get through the gate to his house and into the garage. His eyes were still worried when he parked and stared over at her. 

“You can stop looking at me like when I leave next, I’m never going to come back,” she said. “We hit a rough patch, but we’re moving past it; right?”

He swallowed and gave a slow nod. “Still, it never should have happened.” 

“But it did, so let it go.” 

“The house is a bit of a mess,” he said, glancing away from her, his fingers playing lightly along her wrist. 

Really, that wasn’t much of a surprise. Olivia knew the ways his mind tilted. Most things fell to the wayside while he was trying to figure out how to course correct. 

“It’s fine,” she told him. “Maybe I can skip work tomorrow, and we can have a long weekend together. Cleaning optional.” 

The corner of his mouth seemed to quirk up involuntarily. “I'd like that.” 

Saeyoung then tentatively reached out and lightly touched her cheek. Olivia pressed her face into his palm before leaning over and kissing him.

It wasn’t just mechanical, just something they did because it was expected, but something else.

Something hungrier. 

Similar to the way they used to kiss, but with an edge of desperation to it. 

His lips moved against hers, and his hands traced along her jaw to tangle into her hair. His tongue flicked against her lower lip then slid against hers. He kissed her like he was starving or like he was trying to consume her. She shifted in the seat so she could wrap her arms around his neck as she met every movement of his mouth. 

“I’ve missed you. I’ve missed you so much,” Saeyoung murmured. It was barely audible to her over the sudden pounding of her heart in her ears.

Olivia kept kissing him. 

She toed off her flats, and the sound of them hitting the floorboard seemed very loud. It was unexpected, and she felt Saeyoung release a quick breath before he removed his hands from her hair. She thought he would stop her, insist they move inside. But he didn’t. 

His hands slid under her blazer to rest on her bare shoulders. The heat of him seeped into her skin, and Olivia shivered as his thumbs lightly ran along her collarbones before pushing the jacket off. 

“Livy…” he said, brushing against her mouth as he formed the word, and then he was pulling at her. 

“Yes.” 

His left hand drifted from her face down to the controls of his seat. She didn’t wait, crawling over the center console and into his lap. The Astin Marton was more spacious than the rest of his vehicles, and Olivia felt vaguely glad for it even if she didn’t quite understand why he had decided upon it instead of something sleeker. 

Maybe later, she would remember to ask. 

Still, there wasn’t enough room to fully undress, not in their current position at least, and as Saeyoung’s gaze swept down her, Olivia realized he was thinking the same thing. But then he raised his head and just… looked at her. Looked at her as if she were the only thing that mattered in the world. His eyes were so  _ bright.  _ How someone could possess eyes just that hue was beyond her. Golden and warm, like honey catching the early morning sun. 

He pulled her close, so Olivia had to rise up and lean into him. Their chests were pressed against each other, and she wasn’t sure if she was feeling her heartbeat or his or if perhaps they were just sharing the same tempo.

Saeyoung brushed his lips over hers again, just a fleeting touch before he moved to her throat and then the dip of her collarbone. His breath teased her skin as much as his mouth did, and his hands moved down her sides, her thighs, then between them. She shivered at the sound of his belt coming undone, every nerve ending in her body priming to feel him inside her. 

He shifted, planting his feet to lift his hips slightly. Olivia shuddered as his length brushed against her. She moved the skirt of her dress out of the way to reach between them, to guide him home as he pulled her panties aside. 

There was a pause. 

Then she watched his irises bloom as she lowered herself.

When Saeyoung was fully inside her, she let her eyes fall shut as her mouth sought his out again. He kissed her, and he kissed her, and Olivia almost forgot there was more to it than feeling the burning reverence of his mouth. At least until he began to slowly guide her hips. 

Without being undressed, everything felt more focused where their skin did meet. The way he touched inside her. The satisfying fullness of it. 

The rhythm was slow but unrelenting, and she gasped raggedly against his lips when the tension began to ratchet up. Coiling tighter and tighter. Concentrating in that place inside her where his cock was touching her oh so carefully, oh so controlled.

She buried her hands in his hair, holding him to her and kissing him. Tasting him. Breathing in the scent of him. Wanting to hoard him away in her heart, so she never had to feel like she was losing him ever again. 

“I love you,” she told him. “I love you. I love you. I love you.” 

A sharp exhale left him. “I love you too. More—more than reason.” 

With that, it all became too much, far too much, and something broke inside her. Saeyoung did not relent, cradling her against him as he began to thrust up into her, and she whimpered as her entire body seared with pleasure. Then she could feel him shuddering beneath her, could feel the rhythm of his release as he buried himself to the hilt and spilled inside of her.

Afterward, they rested, arms wrapped around one another for several minutes. She buried her face in the crook of his neck as they caught their breath.

“I’m regretting not taking you inside first because now I don’t want to let you go,” he muttered into her hair. 

“Like I said earlier,” she replied, equally quiet. “I’m not going anywhere.” 

Saeyoung sighed, hugging her more tightly against his chest.

Eventually, they untangled themselves from one another and made it inside. They collapsed into bed, and Olivia fell asleep in his arms within minutes, nearly dead to the world. 

She roused the following morning to the sensation of his hand sliding along her shoulder. She looked up and found him studying her. He still looked tired, and she sighed, leaning close to press a kiss over his heart. 

“I want to go see the house with you today,” he said. 

“Ok,” she agreed, smiling. “It won’t be too much longer, and then I’ll never have to leave.”

Saeyoung rolled on top of her, kissing her for several minutes before pulling back to look at her. 

“Maybe then I’ll finally stop worrying.” 

She ran a hand slowly up and down his back, and her heart ached for the fear and doubt she knew he always carried. 

“I would do anything I could to take that from you,” she said. 

Their lips met again, soft and delicate, then he rested his head on her chest. Olivia wrapped her arms around him. 

There was only peace then. The silence they shared was a beautiful one. And she knew he had let it all go, even if it was only for a moment, even if it was only to see what it could be like. 

She wished for the day he would never pick it back up. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In addition to that WTRFAIRDCK smut [**sweats**], this car smut is something else I've been wanting to write for a while thanks to this song: [Radio Lust](https://open.spotify.com/track/4s9P15MhJw4DnkE93dYgBc?si=9ZSzsh-8Q2WbM2xqnDqMFw) \- The Blancos, which is also on my 606|707 playlist.

**Author's Note:**

> As always, thanks for reading! ♥️


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